Masters Degree Versus Marriage

Recently, I found out that my 20 year old cousin had decided that she found the love of her life and wanted to get married.  While marriage is a wonderful thing, I worry about so many young people who feel that it is okay to decide who they want to spend the rest of their lives with at such a young age.  Think about it, what if you could decide what job you would have for the rest of your life at the age of 20?  What if you could decide what type of clothes or hairstyle you would have at 20?  What about what kind of car you drove or neighborhood you lived in?  The reason why these questions sound absurd is because we all know as we get older and experience different things, our tastes and attitudes change.  Also, as we get older and acquire more wealth, our ability to afford more expensive and higher quality items tend to change as well. So, while the 2005 Toyota Camry may have been nice in 2008, it just doesn't cut the mustard in 2014.  For this reason, I think that all individuals should utilize the milestone of achieving a master degree before marriage (if they plan to get one) or at least the equivalent time it would take someone to do so (probably around the age of 30 or so) before getting married.  I have several simple reasons for this.

TIME TO FOCUS ON ONE'S CAREER
When one first begins a career, it can be very challenging to try to balance the time needed to dedicate to learning to hone one's craft and the time needed to keep a marriage healthy and raise a family.  When most people start out with a new company, they are at the bottom of the totem pole. There is so much to learn that one's colleagues already know, that often the first 1-3 years of someone's career can be an intense game of catch-up with long hours and late nights to acquire the necessary knowledge to be successful at one's job and gain the respect of one's peers from a credibility and effectiveness standpoint. If someone is married during this time in his/her life, they will feel reluctant to stay at the office for yet another late night or to put in a lot of hours on the weekend to prepare for a big project that upcoming week.  By remaining single, the dedication and focus one can put on his/her career cannot even be compared to the person who is always worrying about having to make her/his spouse happy.  On the flip side, if you are married to someone who says that he or she is good with you working such long hours and not spending that much time with them because they understand you are working for the future, that is fantastic, but isn't that being a little selfish to that person?  While you are building a career and creating the life you desire, that person is relegated to "passing" through life by waiting for the free time you can spend with him/her.  I feel it would be much better to allow that person to be free to live the life they desire and not holding that person hostage to your success. While it may be a tough decision, they will thank you for it in the long run.

TIME TO MATURE EMOTIONALLY AND PHILOSOPHICALLY
When you are young, you don't know what you don't know.  When you give yourself time to just live life and experience a number of different lessons, you'll be amazed at how ridiculous some of your previous views were.  I only use the Master's degree as a good barometer because with higher education comes a deeper understanding of various truths in our world and how things work. As with your undergrad degree, you are exposed to a number of different philosophies and opinions about life that have a tendency to change the way you think and your opinion and focus on things.  The same is true of the higher level degree in which this intellectual stimulation is heightened based on the deeper level understanding of various subjects that you pursue.  Also, time gives us the ability to create a large data set from which to pull to make better decisions about our interactions with others, who we are as people, and what is the best course of action as it relates to us individually.  I would argue from the age of 18-30, you are still very much trying to figure out what life is all about. You have theories.  You have ideas.  You have lessons that other people shared with you when you were younger that you are testing, but you don't really know.  By giving yourself time to grow, have experiences, and learn from them, you will have a much better sense of who you are and what is the type of right person for you.  The journey to obtain your masters degree will help with that exploration and discovery greatly.

PRE-MASTERS VERSUS POST-MASTERS TYPE OF PEOPLE
As with anything in life, once you achieve different milestones and accomplishments, the circle of those with whom you interact will change.  The reason I give the advice to wait on marriage until after your Masters is because the individuals with whom you will have a chance to interact with should change somewhat as you begin to become a part of different circles as you grow in your career.  When one allows himself/herself to stay open to meeting new people who may share some of their evolved views and interest over time, it decreases the chances of marrying someone who one generally liked and cared for at the age of 26, but who is not the person that he/she sees the more-maturely educated and enlightened self with at age 34.  While it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with this person and that you two still couldn't be the best of friends, the thought of spending the rest of one's life with someone from whom they are so drastically different can be terrifying.  By putting this standard in place (attaining one's Master's), one ensures herself/himself that they are keeping all of their options open for when they may meet that special man or woman who is absolutely perfect for their 34-year-old, more thoroughly-educated self, who surprisingly wouldn't have been for their 26-year-old, still-learning self.

A Master Degree.  While I will agree it's not for everyone, just as a undergrad degree isn't for everyone, for those whose careers can be greatly enhanced with the attainment of this degree (which I would argue is about 98% of them), your focus should be on obtaining this before any thoughts of marriage begin to cross your mind.  Undergrads are like high school diplomas these days, and you need the extra credentials to set yourself apart from the masses to obtain that competitive advantage.  And while you may think that you've already met the person of your dreams and you don't want to lose him/her because you are trying to obtain this degree first, the truth of the matter is, if they don't decide to stay with you because of your focus on this for your career, they probably weren't the right person for you in the first place.

Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech. You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN

Goal Evolution - Make it an Iterative Process

This past weekend, I was reviewing a list of goals that I created when I first moved to Atlanta.  It was a plan for my life from the age of 29 to 80.  As I reviewed them, I was somewhat pleased at the number of goals that I actually achieved during my four plus years here, but I was also a little disappointed at the ones in which I hadn't yet. This led me to think about why this occurred and if there was anything that I could have done differently that would've allow me to see the success in ALL of these. At the end of the day, I believe the answer was no, as I realized one thing that became a major goal later was not on that sheet (obtaining my MBA) and that has made all the difference with a lot of things in my life. This led me to consider that it was time to do another major goal setting session to understand where I want to be now in 5, 10, and even 50 years.  Even though you may have done this in the past, I encourage all to consistently review and tweak their long term goals for several reasons.  These reason are:

LIFE HAPPENS AND PRIORITIES CHANGE
What occurs for many people is that when a life-changing event happens (pregnancy, marriage, etc), they have a tendency to completely forget about the goals they may have had in the past and begin to "live in the moment."  While there is nothing inherently wrong with this, the issue comes down the road when one looks back on their life after 20 years when the kids are finally off to college and think why didn't I ever open up that bakery that I desired. Why didn't I get that masters degree that I promised myself I would get.  When we don't take a minute to redo our goals in light of a life-changing event, we cheat ourselves out of continuing to live the life that we desire. While the children or marriage should definitely change your life in some way, it shouldn't completely derail you from any of your hopes and dreams for the future.  What one needs to do is take some time to review what goals he/she may have had in the past and then rewrite those goals based on what is realistic with the current life you live to continue to allow you to "move the ball" in the right direction of your ultimate goal (while it may be at a much slower pace).  This will allow you to continue to be excited about life and work your new responsibilities as a parent or spouse to add to your world of accomplishment, not take it over.

YOU SHOULD GROW ENOUGH TO WANT DIFFERENT THINGS
Sometimes, we create goals out of what we think we would like and want to do, but once we have a chance to do it, we may change our minds completely. Therefore, we must continually iterate our goal setting to change with our change in desires and what is important to us. When you were younger, purchasing a Maserati may have been the most important goal you could think of.  Now, you would much rather have a nice SUV to take the kids to soccer practice.  By consistently taking time to evaluate whether you truly want something any more based on how you may have changed with time, you'll be surprised how many of your goals may not be goals anymore.  If one doesn't do this consistently, one could potentially be putting a lot of sweat and effort towards something that will not satisfy that person once they get it. Always think through WHY your goals are your goals and if anything changes that changes that answer, then you may need to reconsider that one and create a new one.

THINGS DON'T ALWAYS GO ORIGINALLY AS PLANNED
The only predictable thing in life is unpredictability.  You can never tell what is going to happen in the future. Regardless of what all the soothsayers and Ms Cleos of the world may tell you, there is no crystal ball to tell us exactly what is going to happen.  For this reason, regardless of how well your plans are laid out and how well you may execute them, there are still things that are outside of your span of control that could greatly reduce your chances of being successful. What some do when this occurs is they give up and immediately drop this as a goal from there list.  What would be more beneficial and effective is to begin to identify the other ways that you can still accomplish your goal but in a different manner. By consistently taking the time to re-evaluate and re-analyze your goals, you will give yourself a much better chance of coming up with a plan that will allow you to still achieve your goal.  Perhaps not in the same time frame as before, but at least you will have an idea of what needs to be done to "roll with the punches" to still move forward with your desire.

Goal setting is a fun time for me, as it reminds me of the days of when I was a five year old kindergartner, thinking about all the great things I was going to do when I "grew up." And while I've accomplished many of those things so far, there are still many on the table for me to do.  By consistent, iterative goal setting, not only do I get to have this feeling of excitment more consistently, but I also put myself in the best position to make sure my future plans are in tune with my current self - something that may not be the case for many if one doesn't take the necessary time to think and "make it so." Shout out to Jean Luc Picard.

Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech. You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN

Hating...Why It Doesn't Help Anyone

So, if you ask me, there is about a 99% chance that the Heat are going home Sunday night very disappointed with how their season ended.  Pop and Timmy are just too good at what they do, and their hunger after what happened last year is just too strong to be denied.  If the Heat are able to make history and pull off one of the most amazing comebacks of all time that would be awesome to watch.  However, what disturbs me is the large group of people who are so happy that the Heat are going to lose and would want nothing better than to see this occur.  It’s not that these people are Spurs fans.  No. No. No.  They are Heat Haters and the large group of these individuals throughout the world seems to continue to grow. Urban dictionary defines hating as “when one puts down the success or fortune of others due to jealousy.” While I don’t think that all the people who dislike Lebron James and the Heat are exactly “jealous” of him, I do think there is something wrong when someone else lack of success actually makes you happy.  There are several reasons that I think people should do away with hating and move on to focusing on more positive things in life to make our world better.  These reasons are simple.

HATING BREEDS NEGATIVITY

Hating is probably one of the most natural negative things one can do. Think about it.  It’s the act of being happy at the failure of someone else but their failure in no way affects your success in any measure.  It’s similar to all the Carolina fans out that were happy that Duke lost in the first round to Macon.  I could never quite understand this. I’m from North Carolina, and I’m a Duke fan. If Duke plays Carolina, I want Duke to win, but if Carolina plays anyone else, it doesn’t affect me in any way.  At any rate, I would probably root for Carolina as long as they weren’t playing Duke as I would be proud that a team from the ACC and my home state would win.  This keeps me positive when I’m at a party and I’m cheering on with my friends for Carolina to win.  It shows a sense of sportsmanship and camaraderie to one’s fellow opponent.  This is in contrast to the guy whose team lost and now he is only rooting against the team that beat him.  That guy is usually considered a nuisance at most parties because even though he doesn’t have a dog in the fight, he hopes one dog dies. It just seems somewhat sinister and evil. Others around you would notice, and no one likes to hang around with negative people.   

HATING TAKES FOCUS AWAY FROM HOW YOU CAN GET BETTER

Have you ever been passed up for a promotion at work and instantly think that the person that got it didn’t deserve it?  Do you then begin to secretly hope that this person fails so you would be proven right?  This is another form of hating and is as dangerous as the previous example because it actually hurts you in a more direct way. While you are focusing on hoping this individual fails, you are missing out on the fact that perhaps there was a real reason that you were passed up for the promotion and haven’t done an analysis on why this was the case to improve. It would be like the Indiana Pacers rooting for the Spurs because they couldn’t beat the Heat.  This actually would take away from what they should actually be focusing on, which is how can they get better to beat the Heat next year.  Overall, this just focuses your energy on the wrong things. We only have so much energy that we are able to give to something, and if part of that energy is focused on hoping someone else fails, this is taking away from our focus on how we can grow each day to get better and improve ourselves for our future success.

HATING SHOWS A LACK OF CONFIDENCE IN YOUR ABILITY TO BE SUCCESSFUL

The last point is very subtle but I feel it is very true.  I believe that some individuals who consistently “hate” on others in the spotlight do so because deep down inside they don’t ever feel they will be put in a position to be that successful and have yet to understand the tremendous amount of sacrifice and effort it takes to get to that level.  If you look at any individual who is truly successful at his job, whether it is in the business world or athletic field, there is a sense of respect and admiration for others who have made it to the top of their mountain in some way. The reason for this is because these individuals know the amount of effort it takes to get there and, while none of us are free from criticism, we shouldn’t have people who dislike us for no good reason just because of who we are.  Individuals who are at this height in their life or feel they are going to get there one day are always happier to celebrate someone’s achievement than to tear them down.  It is usually those individuals who are resigned to their place in the world and have no true aspirations or ability to improve their plight in life, who are the ones who are the most vehement against the success of others.  Since they feel there is no chance of them ever being in a position to be criticized by others for no reason, they have no compassion for these people and instead decide to join the masses who would rather hurl insults at them and desire for their demise than the individuals who respect their level of success because they know they will match it one day. These people are generally less apt to criticize because they hope they will receive this same compassion from others when they reach their level of success one day.

So, please think about it. The next time you find yourself wanting to gain solace at another person’s misfortunes, fight this feeling of negativity and instead focus on the positive things in life to improve yourself and your position overall.  And while there are still those who refuse to give up this notion of Heat/Lebron-hating to make them feel better about their own lives, I’ve always reminded of the poetic phrase from the great urban philosopher Sean Carter who once said (and I’m paraphrasing here) “What you eat doesn’t affect my digestive health (as Erin Andrews would say).” #goheat

Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.

You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN

America's Silent Killer (Why Selfies are Bad for America)

The selfie - the most loved and hated thing in America since Justin Bieber.  The amazing act of taking a picture of yourself to post on some social media site has been adopted by so many individuals that even Pope Francis took a selfie to send out to his loyal social media followers.  I’ve always had a feeling that there was something inherently evil about selfies. It was as if Lucifer himself had created this trend to consistently annoy those who can’t believe that someone would be so wrapped up in themselves that would decide to “bless” the social world with yet another picture of them.  It’s almost as bad as people who send you a picture of their family for Christmas.  I’m always thinking who started this and why did they think it was a good idea.  "Merry Christmas. Here’s a gift".  "Oh. Is this a gift card that I can use at a restaurant for my family?"  "Goodness no.  It’s a picture of my family again."  "Oh great."  Who really thinks this is a good gift?! At any rate, that's another topic for another time.  I knew in my heart of heart that selfies were bad, and now through scientific research, this has been proven.  The top three scientifically proven reasons selfies are bad are

SELFIES DECREASE AN INDIVIDUALS ABILITY TO FEEL CLOSE TO OTHERS

If you think about the first reason, it kind of makes sense.  If most of the pictures that individuals post on their social media site are just pictures of themselves, one has to think where are all their friends?  In the past, before selfies became the hottest thing since Stacy Dash in Clueless (I love Stacy Dash by the way), people wouldn’t post pictures of anything and would be forced to go interact with more people so they would actually have something to post to prove to others they indeed had interesting lives. Now, with the acceptance of the selfie, people can just incessantly post picture of themselves doing the most mundane things (Ken buying a donut from Dunkin Donuts, Ken eating said donut, Ken throwing the second half of the donut away because he feels guilty and wants to make sure he's right for the summer).  Now that they have this crutch to lean on, individuals who take more selfies are less apt to have the ability to socially interact well with others. Don’t take my word for it, however.  In a study done by four professors from three business schools in Europe, they took a survey of 508 Facebook users with an average age of 24 to rank how close they feel to their friends, co-workers, and relatives.  What they found was there was a large correlation between the individuals who ranked low on their feelings of intimacy towards others and how many selfies were posted on their Facebook account. Interesting stuff, huh?

SELFIES CAN BECOME ADDICTIVE

Second, selfies for many are a validation of who they are as a person and can become a dangerous 

addiction. For some, when they post a picture of themselves online and get a certain number of likes, it gives them a boost of confidence of who they are and how beautiful they are.  Their entire focus is on how good they look and how good others think they look.  This is especially dangerous for some teenagers who often struggle with their image.  When they begin to post selfies and get a lot of likes, it can give an extra boost of confidence to make them feel comfortable in their own skin.  The adverse side of this, however, is that often when individuals don’t get the number of likes they think they deserve, it has the negative affect and hurts their pride somewhat, so they have to continue to post self and get likes for that extra boost of confidence they need for the day.  This can become more and more damaging as the self-addiction becomes so enthralled in that person’s life that they cannot stop posting pictures of themselves to receive this validation and if they don’t get it, they may not be able to function correctly for that day.  They are constantly searching for that right pic that will get the likes that will give them that needed boost of serotonin for the day.  To get a sense of how far this obsession could go, just look up Danny Bowman. He is a British teenager who was so obsessed with capturing the perfect selfie that he would roughly spend 10 hours per day taking up to 200 selfies trying to get the perfect shot.  As this addiction became more intense, he lost 30 lbs, dropped out of school, and did not leave his house for six months as he tried to take the perfect selfie.  He actually took it so far as trying to commit suicide because he couldn’t do it and was luckily saved by his mom. He is currently go through rehab to treat this addiction. 

SELFIES ACTUALLY CAN DECREASE ONE'S SELF-ESTEEM

The last point, and perhaps the most disturbing trend about our selfie nation is that ironically the more selfies you take of only yourself, the more you feel worst and worst about yourself. This is very comparable to how individuals who are always looking in the mirror are the most self-conscious about their looks.  Because they are not 100 percent sure of their individual beauty, they are constantly checking it to make sure it is there.  These people often also have a skewed view of the importance of looks and often hold it in too high regard for themselves and for others. In a scientific study conducted by the Psychiatry of London in which they had two groups (one with what is known as Body Dismorphic Disorder and one group without it), it was proven that not only did the BDD sufferers experience increased anxiety and depression about their looks after prolonged engagement in the mirror (10 minutes to be exact), but the non-BDD participants did as well.  The more and more individuals are obsessed with taking the perfect selfie, the more they will subconsciously lose confidence and self-esteem in their natural beauty, something that is sad because we are all beautiful in our own way.

So, in conclusion, while I hate selfies with a passion and think they were created to piss sensible people off, don’t just take my word for it. Science has proven that selfies can be bad for a number of reasons. And even though it is cool to post a pic of you buying, eating, and throwing that donut away, you’ll do yourself a much better favor by just telling us about it on twitter. #dunkindonuts #donutnation #theyhavethebestcoffeeontheplanet 

Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.

You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN

What Donald Sterling Teaches Us About the World in Which We Live

Initially, I was as shocked as anyone else when I heard the now infamous reports of what Donald Sterling, Clippers owner for 33 years, said about African Americans in the recorded speech to his then girlfriend V. Stiviano (BTW, does anyone know why she DOESN'T have a true first name?).   But after thinking through the situation a little more, I wasn't so much as shocked as saddened that this incident only validated certain beliefs that I've had for some time about America and where we stand in the fight against racism.  From this, I think we can all learn three valuable lessons that should allow us to understand our world a little better and do whatever we can to make it better.  If we truly internalize these and take the right appropriate steps when prompted, we have the opportunity to continue to move our country in the right direction. These lessons are:

THE FIGHT ISN'T OVER
The Supreme Court's decision to uphold the ban by the Michigan voter's of affirmative action in consideration for students to their universities is disturbing because it intimates that all races are all on the same playing field and the effects of Jim Crow laws and the Civil Rights Movement are no longer felt upon the world. The problem with this is that it simply isn't true. While Donald Sterling comments were extremely disturbing because it showed a blatant feeling of negativity towards a race for no reason other than color, it is even more disturbing because Donald Sterling worked in a business in reach he had to interact with this race the majority of the time.  Eighty percent of the NBA players are black and the NBA has more black executives than any other major league sport in the United States. This is so disturbing because it meant that while Donald Sterling was courting Doc Rivers and slapping him on the back telling him how much he wanted him to coach his team to help the Clippers win a championship, in his heart he would have had nothing to do with Doc Rivers if he felt he didn't HAVE TO. This leads me to my belief that there are still many individuals in the world who still have negative feelings towards others outside of their race who hide it all the time because it is now not publicly acceptable to be this type of person.  Not only would they be at risk of losing their job for the publishing of such negative opinions, they would also be subject to the possibility of losing lots of many due to the very fact that minorities have proven these negative opinions of them unwarranted through their ascension to the higher levels of business and would probably not have anything to do with this type of person. However, this still subtly "creeps" out when they are thinking about the next person to promote and choose the white-male candidate over the non-white female candidate because of those "intangibles."  This could also come into play when they are choosing between admitting a black student to a school versus a white student because they feel the white student would be a better "culture fit."  It is not overt racism that is the problem in America. No one is stupid enough to be that person.  It is the subtle, subvert racism that still exist in many people minds (many whom are in a position of power) that has to be consistently checked and fought against by the minority population.

RACISM "ALLOWANCE" IS AN EPIDEMIC THAT IS ACTUALLY WORSE THAN RACISM ITSELF
One of the more disturbing things about Donald Sterling is that there is little doubt that many people that claim to NOT be racist were aware of Donald's subtle feelings toward minorities and did not check them as unacceptable.  We have all been guilty of hearing someone tell a sexist, racist, or gay joke in the veil of "safety" and didn't let that person that those types of jokes are unacceptable. Some of us may even have laughed at it.  With Donald Sterling, there is no doubt that his wife, Shelly Sterling, (who now desires to have 51% ownership of the Clippers) knew that he was this type of person during their 50 years of marriage. How is it possible for someone to be married to someone for so long with such negative views against a particular group and think this is okay?  This is where I believe the ball was dropped by those who knew this about Donald Sterling. Tommy Lasorda, a man who has managed black players for many years in the MLB was recently quoted as saying that he "hope V Stiviano gets hit with a car."  He was also quoted as saying that he was not "surprised" that Donald Sterling said those things but considers him a long time friend.  The issue here is that many people feel like just because we may not directly feel that way, it is okay to laugh at jokes the intimate racism, sexism, or gender bias.  It's okay to associate ourselves with individuals who say and do these things, as long as we don't say and do those things.  The truth is that it's not.  As long as we allow people to feel "safe" when they say things of this nature around others who look like them, then we will never be in a world that will eliminate such hate talk from existing.  We all have an individual responsibility to do our part to educate others on their hate comments and make sure that we are not condoning the behavior by laughing or continually associating ourselves with that person, regardless of how powerful or wealthy they are.

TAKING THE HIGH ROAD IS STILL THE WAY TO GO
The final lesson that I think we can all take away from this is from Magic Johnson's response to Donald Sterling. While Magic Johnson had the chance (and the justifiable right) to lash back at Donald Sterling after his comments about how Magic acquired HIV, he did not.  He could have easily pointed out the fact that Donald Sterling was no saint himself by having his public girl since 2010 while still married to Shelly Sterling. Instead, he decided to take the high road and say he hopes that Donald gets help, and he is "praying" for him. He also commented that if he sees Donald and his wife Sherry, he will speak to both of them and continue on his way. While I'm sure this will not be easy for Magic to do, it is reminiscent of the response of the so many people during the Civil Rights Movement in which they were lashed out against by individuals who thought they were the scum of the earth, but they refused to retaliate in a manner that would give them any satisfaction that these feelings were true. Instead, they demonstrated their true higher moral character by "turning the other cheek" and continuing to demonstrate that someone's else ignorance was not going to affect how they feel about themselves and how they treat other people...something that often stings much more than any direct attack could.

While America has come a LONG way in regards to racial equality and relations, we are subtly reminded with events like this from time to time (e.g. L.A. Riots, O.J. Simpson case, Obama Election) that we are not quite yet "there" when it comes to not having to think or talk about it anymore.  While I don't truly believe that we will ever get to place in which race doesn't matter, it will take continual honest conversation about events such as this to move the rock ever closer to Martin Luther King's eventual Utopian societal dream of equality for all.

Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.

You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN

Why Something So Small Can Make a BIG Difference

It's interesting because there is something that I don't exactly share with many people in a business setting, but it is one of the my BIGGEST pet peeves when it comes to the business world.  When people exhibit this behavior, it drives me absolutely crazy, and I have (in the past) racked my brain trying to analyze and explain their behavior in some way that could potentially make it justifiable.  However, as I have progressed in my professional career and interacted with a number of different professionals from various executive levels, I have come to the conclusion that my original analysis of this behavior is correct and there is just no other way around it.  To not be so cryptic and keep you in the dark, first of all, this "behavior" is not returning phone calls or emails in a prompt and reasonable manner and my "analysis" of this behavior is that these people just aren't good at their jobs.  While this may sound harsh, my feeling is that this person's lack of understanding of how important it is to return phone calls/emails/text is a microcosm of their reaction to other things in their business world, which leads me to believe that more than just this is "falling through the cracks."  But to validate this argument, let me share with you the reasons that returning messages from individuals is vital to one's professional success.

IT IS SO EASY TO DO SO

In today's world of electronic devices out of the wazu, it makes absolutely no sense that someone cannot get a message back to you with almost no effort.  Today, we are flooded with ways for you to respond to someone when they reach out to you (text, email, phone call).  Even Apple makes it super simple by responding to a call with automated responses so people know what is going on. No one is SO busy that they can't take 10 seconds to respond to an urgent email or phone call asking for an answer to something that is critically important to the other person. I've met many C-level executives during my professional career, and what I've found is that these individuals (clearly busier than the average line manager with so many people vying for their time) always made the time to get some type of answer back to you. If they couldn't do it, they would make sure that their personal assistants would do so. Even if it is an "I'm not interested," they took the time to make sure the other person knew where they stood and were clear. The funny thing about this type of response is that it actually frees more time for the executive in the future because if he or she responds with an "I'm not interested" as least they know they have decreased the chances of them getting that phone call or email in the future. When no response is given, the other person could just persistently continue to follow up with you wasting more of your time in the future.  It is this long term, around the corner type thinking that probably got many of these people in the positions they hold today.

PEOPLE DON'T FORGET

From an internal standpoint, when you fail to return phone calls, email, or text to your co-workers, these individuals will remember, and this could taint how you are perceived as being effective at your job. Over my years in my professional career, the individuals who were promoted most quickly and seen as someone you can "depend on" were those individuals who were listed as "highly responsive" by their peers. If one of your co-workers needs something important to their success for an upcoming meeting and they make this explicitly clear to you, and then you take so long to respond to them that their success is jeopardized, do you think they are going to have a positive or negative view of your ability to handle the responsibilities of your job? Regardless of what kind of results you may be currently achieving, there is going to be a skewed view of your effectiveness in that role by them.  And in a business world in which there is an increased focus on peer and subordinate reviews for possibilities of a promotion, this could be highly detrimental to your ability to make it to the next level.

WHAT IF THE SHOE WAS ON THE OTHER FOOT

The most obvious reason that this is important, and perhaps the most important, is the answer to the question "How would you want others to treat you?"  It's funny because I'm sure that some of these people who are horrible at returning phone calls or email or probably some of the most upset when others don't do it for them in a prompt manner. Regardless of how important you think that person is, the courtesy to return a request for information with some type of answer shows something about your moral character and respect for others.  People who make their best efforts to do this are generally people who feel that all individuals are worthy of their respect and should be treated accordingly.  People who don't do this often have a feeling that there are certain people who are "better" than others, and only these people are "worthy" of their responses. While this may seem to make sense in some ways from a business standpoint, which person do you think would exhibit higher overall moral character from a long term ethical standpoint?

Emails, text, phone calls. They don't seem like a big deal if you don't return them because you are so busy you don't have time.  But in the world of email on our phones, automated text responses, and personal assistants, there is no reason we can't respond in a timely manner.  The end game is important as well because you never know if that person that you shunned and disrespected some years ago with a lack of response will be put in a position of power over you in the future. And while you may think this person won't hold a grudge against you because of something so small, you never ever know...it might be someone just like me.

Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.

You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN

What We Can Learn From Kendrick's Loss at the Grammy's

So, immediately after Kendrick Lamar's lost the Grammy win about a month ago, I was completely baffled at how this could be the case and had to download Macklemore's The Heist to make sure I wasn't completely crazy.  While the unbelievable boundaries that Kendrick pushed with his GKMC album seemed to be unparalleled this year, there could be a possibility that I completely missed how much better Macklemore's album was. I heard a couple of tracks off of it on the radio and generally overall liked them. However, after going through all of them and listening a second time, I just didn't get it. While I admit that the album is above quality work, I just couldn't see how anyone who could consider themselves a connoisseur of hip hop would rank that over GKMC.  Macklemore even admitted as much, as he texted Kendrick after to let him know that even HE thought he was robbed (very classy move on Macklemore's part, BTW). Overall, the loss by Kendrick at the Grammy's offered many lessons that I think we could all take in consideration for our lives.

THE BEST DOESN'T ALWAYS WIN
I know we all would like to think we live in a fair world, and if you work hard and do what is asked of you, you will be successful.  Hogwash.  There are so many different influences and prejudices that people have of which you may have no idea.  We live in a world in which people have very ingrained beliefs about others based on how they were raised and their specific life experiences.  For this reason, you may be put in a situation in which you may be the better candidate for a promotion or another job, but because they just don't "connect" with you, you could lose out on it.  By understanding this simple fact in life, you could continue to have a positive outlook on the situation by knowing that you didn't lose because you had an inferior performance or did poor quality work, but because the situation was not geared in your favor. Now, this isn't to say that all situations are like this, and sometimes you do lose because you suck, but this just helps keeps things in perspective that negative outcomes are not always the results of negative inputs if there are ancillary influences that can skew the results.  This will help you keep an positive outlook on your road to success.

THERE ARE ALWAYS THINGS OUTSIDE OF YOUR CONTROL
Kendrick had no control over who was judging him that day.  Needless to say, if the judges were a group of individuals who truly listen to hip hop on a regular basis and understand that what Kendrick Lamar created was special and only comes around every 5-6 years or so in the hip hop world, this would've been a no-brainer. However, the judges had backgrounds in all different genres of music and I would guess the majority rarely listen to hip hop, if ever. Why one would let people vote on a genre that they are not truly experts in is confusing to me. It's like having NFL coaches vote on who's the most valuable NBA player.  They are both sports, right?  It's utterly preposterous.  For that reason, however, there were things that Kendrick Lamar just had no control over. This is very comparable to life in which the person who has to make a decision on your career or the various circumstances you are put in throughout life are in no way controlled by you.  You may not have the same contacts and connections as someone else applying for the same position.  You may not have gone to the same Ivy league school and worked on your golf game at the age of seven as some others who may be more "chum" with the boss.  You can't control this and have to remember to continue to work hard on those things you can while accepting and not dwelling on those that you cannot.

DON'T LET UNFAIRNESS GET YOU DOWN AND STOP YOU FROM MOVING ON
Often, I will hear about individuals who are passed over for a promotion and immediately quit their job because they feel they were wronged. While, there may be instances in which this is the right thing to do, it often comes across as extremely petty and childish. If you weren't considering leaving your current job before missing out on a promotion, why do it immediately afterwards?  If this is your 3rd "passing over," that's a different story, but if it's your first, try a different approach.  As Kendrick Lamar responded to the questions of whether he was robbed or not, he was very gracious in his response and said Macklemore had a great album and was as deserving of the award as anybody (something I'm sure Kanye could learn from). You can demonstrate this same type of class by accepting when things don't go your way and instead try to learn as much as possible of how you could've changed the outcome for the next go-around. What could you have done better?  What could you have done to counter or mitigate those things that were outside of your control? By consistently analyzing what you could've done to put yourself in a different situation, you are being proactive in planning ways to make sure this never happens again.  This is a much more effective and impactful strategy than to just quit or sulk. Anyone could do that.

Overall, Kendrick's loss was personal to me, as I felt it was another indication that preferential prejudice still exist in 2014 - even among individuals whom you think would be more open-minded based on the industry in which they work.  I was inspired, however, to see how much one can learn from Kendrick response and attitude, as he demonstrates the resolve of someone who knows he is talented and will not be denied. For this reason, instead of sulking and crying foul the next time something doesn't go your way unfairly, use this situation as fuel to ignite an even deeper desire and drive for you to prove others wrong. I'm sure Kendrick is, and I can't wait for his next album to see its results.

Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.

You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN