Recently, an opportunity presented itself that would be considered somewhat of a risk considering my current situation. There were a number of people who were also considering this opportunity that would equally translate into a risk for them as well. Ultimately, many decided to not attempt the risk, which made me want to take a stab at it even more. The reason for this thought process is generally related to the Pareto principle, or what is better known to most as the 80/20 rule. This was initially an economic rule created by the Italian economist, Wilfred Pareto, which stated 80 percent of the Italy's wealth was owned by 20 percent of the Italian society. From this, society has created a number of different interpretations of the rule in relation to a number of different things, e.g. sales activity, marital focus, and leadership. What I related this to in consideration of this decision, however, is that 80 percent of the world rarely take risk and attempt to live lives as predictable and comfortable as possible. However, it's these 20 percent who put themselves out there and take a swing without knowing that everything is going to work out who often end up living the lives they've always dreamed down the road. If one thinks about it, the reasons one should take risk are simple.
RISK USUALLY YIELD THE BIGGEST OPPORTUNITIES
If you know anything about investing, the index funds that generally project the highest return on your investment are also the ones that either A. has the highest volatility from year to year or B. is a dependent on a set of factors or circumstances (i.e. merger going through or government policy being passed) that are somewhat out of the investor's control. The reasons the ROI is so high is because the risk is so great, so your decision to invest in such an opportunity must be offset with a return that will prove worth the attempt. This is true in life when an opportunity comes by that makes us sacrifice or puts us in a position in which we are not sure. This "unsureness" and/or sacrifice often will create a huge opportunity on the backside if we are able to get through it successfully. For those who always play it safe and "stay close to home," they could potentially be missing out on grand opportunities that are waiting for them if they are willing to get outside of their comfort zone and push themselves to another level of excellence that they may not be even aware they possess themselves.
IT'LL STRETCH YOU TO MAKE YOU BETTER
One of the great things about risks is that even when you don't succeed as you may had ultimately planned, it still stretches you to improve the person you are in a number of areas. When you take risk, the reason it is considered said risk is because there are a number of things that are outside of your control and that you don't have exact experience with per se. Often, if you desire to be successful at your new endeavor, you have to educate yourself on those things which you do not know and attempt to build a bridge from where you are to where you want to be in relation to understanding how to control the situation. By taking on this risky endeavor, you put yourself in position to stretch your current abilities and improve in areas which you may have never considered before. Often, the times of our greatest growth are those times in which we feel the most uncomfortable initially and allow ourselves to make mistakes and continually learn from them. Without taking risk, we generally do the same things over and over and have only incremental growth, if any at all.
YOU CAN ALWAYS RECOVER
The last reason why risks are generally a good idea is because, at the end of the day, there is always the ability to recover. Especially when you are young in your life, risks should definitely be more considered since, if you do fail, you have a lot of time to make up any setbacks this may have created. Admittedly, as you age, your tolerance for risk should lessen, since you have much more to lose, but if you have planned things out accordingly and given yourself enough of a financial cushion to be willing to have a minor set back here or there, you should still be able to take calculated risk to receive a larger return when it presents itself. Take Donald Trump for example; he took a number of calculated risk during the 80's and 90's in real estate and many of them didn't turn out the way he had hoped. He bombed and had to declare bankruptcy several times before getting back on his feet. His net worth before those decisions was in the low hundreds of millions (not bad, I know). His net worth now is approximately $2.7 billion. Clearly, the lessons he learned from those mistakes gave him the knowledge he needed to course-correct and create the empire he has today.
Calculated risk. As the title suggest, you have to make sure that whatever risk you take is well thought through and considered from every angle. I'm not suggesting that you should go to Vegas and put your entire life savings on black. That's just foolish. However, I am suggesting that you keep an open eye for an opportunity that you would initially pass up because it would be considered by most as too "risky" that could yield big dividends for you if you take a swing at it. As always, do your due diligence by investigating all the ends and outs of the opportunity before pulling the trigger, but don't let the fact that most people wouldn't do it deter you from taking the shot. Most people aren't millionaires either (less than 1% of the world's population to be exact).
Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech. You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Saturday, August 2, 2014
My 3-STOP Philosophy
Recently, I've had a lot of conversations with individuals about where their life is now as opposed to where they "thought" it would be. From these discussions, I have heard the same reoccurring themes of why this is the case. These themes aren't in any way different from what we all know, but, at times, we all have the tendency to allow these things to mask the truth of what we should do to overcome these obstacles. From these conversations, I've developed three simple STOPS that will enable individuals to stop feeling sorry for themselves and take control of their lives.
STOP PROCRASTINATING
Sounds simple,but it's one of the things that hold so many people back all the time. They consistently tell themselves that they don't have the time to do something or the situation isn't perfect, so they'll put this off until later. What happens is that later turn into much later, which eventually turns into never. The trick that most of us use to justify why we have to wait to do something sounds noble or correct. We tell ourselves we are focusing on some other goal that is more important so this other thing will have to wait. People put off starting to diet and exercise until the beginning of the year because "they just started a new job and want to focus on that first." They put off going to school and improving their marketability to get a new job because their child just started at a new school and they want to put focus on him/her first. The crazy thing about this rationale is that individuals forget that there IS a way to do it all at the same time. We often try to make situations mutually exclusive when they can easily be collectively inclusive, and, by doing so, have a greater exponential impact on the quality of our lives. By exercising and dieting, one will often have more energy and greater focus to be able to dedicate oneself to his or her job even more. By going to school and, subsequently, getting a promotion or different job, one is actually being a better role model to her or his child, while also increasing one's ability to provide the academic resources needed to help the child succeed through school. There's always going to be a reason you CAN'T do something. Find the reasons you can.
STOP MAKING EXCUSES (BE A BETTER PARENT TO YOURSELF)
This is very close to the stop procrastinating axiom, except that it goes a step further by not even considering taking an action EVER because of some "legitimate" reason. The thinking is often very closely related in that one will give a good reason why she or he cannot do something based on things that just will not allow this to happen. People say they can't lose any weight because they are born with an overactive pituitary gland or thyroid (I love when I hear this). They can't get to work early or on time because they just aren't a morning people. They can't learn to cook because they just don't have the time or energy. I compare these people to bad parents who are always making excuses for why their kids behave badly. Children don't become law abiding citizens by luck. It's associated with the hard work and discipline of the parents to make sure kids stay on task, learn right from wrong, and don't deviate from the lessons they learn. When we don't hold ourselves accountable and push ourselves to do that which we know we should, we are like those lazy parents who let their kids run wild and free that we just want to smack at times (the kids and the parents). Don't make yourself a smack-worthy parent.
STOP BLAMING OTHERS AND "SITUATIONS"
The biggest difference I've seen between people who generally live a pretty successful life and those who seems to flounder throughout life and never truly progress in any capacity is that the former group rarely, if ever, blames an outcome on a "situation" or other people. They consistently are pointing the finger at themselves when something doesn't go as planned and will in no way, shape, or form deny they are responsible for what occurred. On the contrary, the latter group has a tendency to blame negative situations on everything from the weather to the astrology (You know those Tauruses are just bull-headed). It's amazing how many people truly believe they have no control or hold no blame in the outcome of a situation in which they were completely involved. I've found that the more successful one is, the more likely she or he is to actually take responsibility that most people would consider as being out of one's control. This instinct is one that comes from a feeling of a responsibility for all situations and a proactive view of what one could've done better/differently to prevent someone from taking an action that most would have never seen coming. It's a view that keeps these individuals steadily growing and getting better at "seeing around the corner." - a trait that will always keep them progressing and improving their plight in life.
Procrastination. Excuses. Blame. The three deadly "sins" that hold so many people back in life. By simply applying my 3-STOP methodology, one has the ability to easily overcome these tendencies and create the life one desires. While it may prove challenging at first, with time, the feeling of control that one will begin to feel over one's life as of result of this will be well worth the fight. And if you don't do start doing this TODAY, you don't have anyone else to blame but yourself, you smack-worthy parent.
Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech. You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN
STOP PROCRASTINATING
Sounds simple,but it's one of the things that hold so many people back all the time. They consistently tell themselves that they don't have the time to do something or the situation isn't perfect, so they'll put this off until later. What happens is that later turn into much later, which eventually turns into never. The trick that most of us use to justify why we have to wait to do something sounds noble or correct. We tell ourselves we are focusing on some other goal that is more important so this other thing will have to wait. People put off starting to diet and exercise until the beginning of the year because "they just started a new job and want to focus on that first." They put off going to school and improving their marketability to get a new job because their child just started at a new school and they want to put focus on him/her first. The crazy thing about this rationale is that individuals forget that there IS a way to do it all at the same time. We often try to make situations mutually exclusive when they can easily be collectively inclusive, and, by doing so, have a greater exponential impact on the quality of our lives. By exercising and dieting, one will often have more energy and greater focus to be able to dedicate oneself to his or her job even more. By going to school and, subsequently, getting a promotion or different job, one is actually being a better role model to her or his child, while also increasing one's ability to provide the academic resources needed to help the child succeed through school. There's always going to be a reason you CAN'T do something. Find the reasons you can.
STOP MAKING EXCUSES (BE A BETTER PARENT TO YOURSELF)
This is very close to the stop procrastinating axiom, except that it goes a step further by not even considering taking an action EVER because of some "legitimate" reason. The thinking is often very closely related in that one will give a good reason why she or he cannot do something based on things that just will not allow this to happen. People say they can't lose any weight because they are born with an overactive pituitary gland or thyroid (I love when I hear this). They can't get to work early or on time because they just aren't a morning people. They can't learn to cook because they just don't have the time or energy. I compare these people to bad parents who are always making excuses for why their kids behave badly. Children don't become law abiding citizens by luck. It's associated with the hard work and discipline of the parents to make sure kids stay on task, learn right from wrong, and don't deviate from the lessons they learn. When we don't hold ourselves accountable and push ourselves to do that which we know we should, we are like those lazy parents who let their kids run wild and free that we just want to smack at times (the kids and the parents). Don't make yourself a smack-worthy parent.
STOP BLAMING OTHERS AND "SITUATIONS"
The biggest difference I've seen between people who generally live a pretty successful life and those who seems to flounder throughout life and never truly progress in any capacity is that the former group rarely, if ever, blames an outcome on a "situation" or other people. They consistently are pointing the finger at themselves when something doesn't go as planned and will in no way, shape, or form deny they are responsible for what occurred. On the contrary, the latter group has a tendency to blame negative situations on everything from the weather to the astrology (You know those Tauruses are just bull-headed). It's amazing how many people truly believe they have no control or hold no blame in the outcome of a situation in which they were completely involved. I've found that the more successful one is, the more likely she or he is to actually take responsibility that most people would consider as being out of one's control. This instinct is one that comes from a feeling of a responsibility for all situations and a proactive view of what one could've done better/differently to prevent someone from taking an action that most would have never seen coming. It's a view that keeps these individuals steadily growing and getting better at "seeing around the corner." - a trait that will always keep them progressing and improving their plight in life.
Procrastination. Excuses. Blame. The three deadly "sins" that hold so many people back in life. By simply applying my 3-STOP methodology, one has the ability to easily overcome these tendencies and create the life one desires. While it may prove challenging at first, with time, the feeling of control that one will begin to feel over one's life as of result of this will be well worth the fight. And if you don't do start doing this TODAY, you don't have anyone else to blame but yourself, you smack-worthy parent.
Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech. You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Masters Degree Versus Marriage
Recently, I found out that my 20 year old cousin had decided that she found the love of her life and wanted to get married. While marriage is a wonderful thing, I worry about so many young people who feel that it is okay to decide who they want to spend the rest of their lives with at such a young age. Think about it, what if you could decide what job you would have for the rest of your life at the age of 20? What if you could decide what type of clothes or hairstyle you would have at 20? What about what kind of car you drove or neighborhood you lived in? The reason why these questions sound absurd is because we all know as we get older and experience different things, our tastes and attitudes change. Also, as we get older and acquire more wealth, our ability to afford more expensive and higher quality items tend to change as well. So, while the 2005 Toyota Camry may have been nice in 2008, it just doesn't cut the mustard in 2014. For this reason, I think that all individuals should utilize the milestone of achieving a master degree before marriage (if they plan to get one) or at least the equivalent time it would take someone to do so (probably around the age of 30 or so) before getting married. I have several simple reasons for this.
TIME TO FOCUS ON ONE'S CAREER
When one first begins a career, it can be very challenging to try to balance the time needed to dedicate to learning to hone one's craft and the time needed to keep a marriage healthy and raise a family. When most people start out with a new company, they are at the bottom of the totem pole. There is so much to learn that one's colleagues already know, that often the first 1-3 years of someone's career can be an intense game of catch-up with long hours and late nights to acquire the necessary knowledge to be successful at one's job and gain the respect of one's peers from a credibility and effectiveness standpoint. If someone is married during this time in his/her life, they will feel reluctant to stay at the office for yet another late night or to put in a lot of hours on the weekend to prepare for a big project that upcoming week. By remaining single, the dedication and focus one can put on his/her career cannot even be compared to the person who is always worrying about having to make her/his spouse happy. On the flip side, if you are married to someone who says that he or she is good with you working such long hours and not spending that much time with them because they understand you are working for the future, that is fantastic, but isn't that being a little selfish to that person? While you are building a career and creating the life you desire, that person is relegated to "passing" through life by waiting for the free time you can spend with him/her. I feel it would be much better to allow that person to be free to live the life they desire and not holding that person hostage to your success. While it may be a tough decision, they will thank you for it in the long run.
TIME TO MATURE EMOTIONALLY AND PHILOSOPHICALLY
When you are young, you don't know what you don't know. When you give yourself time to just live life and experience a number of different lessons, you'll be amazed at how ridiculous some of your previous views were. I only use the Master's degree as a good barometer because with higher education comes a deeper understanding of various truths in our world and how things work. As with your undergrad degree, you are exposed to a number of different philosophies and opinions about life that have a tendency to change the way you think and your opinion and focus on things. The same is true of the higher level degree in which this intellectual stimulation is heightened based on the deeper level understanding of various subjects that you pursue. Also, time gives us the ability to create a large data set from which to pull to make better decisions about our interactions with others, who we are as people, and what is the best course of action as it relates to us individually. I would argue from the age of 18-30, you are still very much trying to figure out what life is all about. You have theories. You have ideas. You have lessons that other people shared with you when you were younger that you are testing, but you don't really know. By giving yourself time to grow, have experiences, and learn from them, you will have a much better sense of who you are and what is the type of right person for you. The journey to obtain your masters degree will help with that exploration and discovery greatly.
PRE-MASTERS VERSUS POST-MASTERS TYPE OF PEOPLE
As with anything in life, once you achieve different milestones and accomplishments, the circle of those with whom you interact will change. The reason I give the advice to wait on marriage until after your Masters is because the individuals with whom you will have a chance to interact with should change somewhat as you begin to become a part of different circles as you grow in your career. When one allows himself/herself to stay open to meeting new people who may share some of their evolved views and interest over time, it decreases the chances of marrying someone who one generally liked and cared for at the age of 26, but who is not the person that he/she sees the more-maturely educated and enlightened self with at age 34. While it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with this person and that you two still couldn't be the best of friends, the thought of spending the rest of one's life with someone from whom they are so drastically different can be terrifying. By putting this standard in place (attaining one's Master's), one ensures herself/himself that they are keeping all of their options open for when they may meet that special man or woman who is absolutely perfect for their 34-year-old, more thoroughly-educated self, who surprisingly wouldn't have been for their 26-year-old, still-learning self.
A Master Degree. While I will agree it's not for everyone, just as a undergrad degree isn't for everyone, for those whose careers can be greatly enhanced with the attainment of this degree (which I would argue is about 98% of them), your focus should be on obtaining this before any thoughts of marriage begin to cross your mind. Undergrads are like high school diplomas these days, and you need the extra credentials to set yourself apart from the masses to obtain that competitive advantage. And while you may think that you've already met the person of your dreams and you don't want to lose him/her because you are trying to obtain this degree first, the truth of the matter is, if they don't decide to stay with you because of your focus on this for your career, they probably weren't the right person for you in the first place.
Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech. You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN
TIME TO FOCUS ON ONE'S CAREER
When one first begins a career, it can be very challenging to try to balance the time needed to dedicate to learning to hone one's craft and the time needed to keep a marriage healthy and raise a family. When most people start out with a new company, they are at the bottom of the totem pole. There is so much to learn that one's colleagues already know, that often the first 1-3 years of someone's career can be an intense game of catch-up with long hours and late nights to acquire the necessary knowledge to be successful at one's job and gain the respect of one's peers from a credibility and effectiveness standpoint. If someone is married during this time in his/her life, they will feel reluctant to stay at the office for yet another late night or to put in a lot of hours on the weekend to prepare for a big project that upcoming week. By remaining single, the dedication and focus one can put on his/her career cannot even be compared to the person who is always worrying about having to make her/his spouse happy. On the flip side, if you are married to someone who says that he or she is good with you working such long hours and not spending that much time with them because they understand you are working for the future, that is fantastic, but isn't that being a little selfish to that person? While you are building a career and creating the life you desire, that person is relegated to "passing" through life by waiting for the free time you can spend with him/her. I feel it would be much better to allow that person to be free to live the life they desire and not holding that person hostage to your success. While it may be a tough decision, they will thank you for it in the long run.
TIME TO MATURE EMOTIONALLY AND PHILOSOPHICALLY
When you are young, you don't know what you don't know. When you give yourself time to just live life and experience a number of different lessons, you'll be amazed at how ridiculous some of your previous views were. I only use the Master's degree as a good barometer because with higher education comes a deeper understanding of various truths in our world and how things work. As with your undergrad degree, you are exposed to a number of different philosophies and opinions about life that have a tendency to change the way you think and your opinion and focus on things. The same is true of the higher level degree in which this intellectual stimulation is heightened based on the deeper level understanding of various subjects that you pursue. Also, time gives us the ability to create a large data set from which to pull to make better decisions about our interactions with others, who we are as people, and what is the best course of action as it relates to us individually. I would argue from the age of 18-30, you are still very much trying to figure out what life is all about. You have theories. You have ideas. You have lessons that other people shared with you when you were younger that you are testing, but you don't really know. By giving yourself time to grow, have experiences, and learn from them, you will have a much better sense of who you are and what is the type of right person for you. The journey to obtain your masters degree will help with that exploration and discovery greatly.
PRE-MASTERS VERSUS POST-MASTERS TYPE OF PEOPLE
As with anything in life, once you achieve different milestones and accomplishments, the circle of those with whom you interact will change. The reason I give the advice to wait on marriage until after your Masters is because the individuals with whom you will have a chance to interact with should change somewhat as you begin to become a part of different circles as you grow in your career. When one allows himself/herself to stay open to meeting new people who may share some of their evolved views and interest over time, it decreases the chances of marrying someone who one generally liked and cared for at the age of 26, but who is not the person that he/she sees the more-maturely educated and enlightened self with at age 34. While it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with this person and that you two still couldn't be the best of friends, the thought of spending the rest of one's life with someone from whom they are so drastically different can be terrifying. By putting this standard in place (attaining one's Master's), one ensures herself/himself that they are keeping all of their options open for when they may meet that special man or woman who is absolutely perfect for their 34-year-old, more thoroughly-educated self, who surprisingly wouldn't have been for their 26-year-old, still-learning self.
A Master Degree. While I will agree it's not for everyone, just as a undergrad degree isn't for everyone, for those whose careers can be greatly enhanced with the attainment of this degree (which I would argue is about 98% of them), your focus should be on obtaining this before any thoughts of marriage begin to cross your mind. Undergrads are like high school diplomas these days, and you need the extra credentials to set yourself apart from the masses to obtain that competitive advantage. And while you may think that you've already met the person of your dreams and you don't want to lose him/her because you are trying to obtain this degree first, the truth of the matter is, if they don't decide to stay with you because of your focus on this for your career, they probably weren't the right person for you in the first place.
Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech. You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Goal Evolution - Make it an Iterative Process
This past weekend, I was reviewing a list of goals that I created when I first moved to Atlanta. It was a plan for my life from the age of 29 to 80. As I reviewed them, I was somewhat pleased at the number of goals that I actually achieved during my four plus years here, but I was also a little disappointed at the ones in which I hadn't yet. This led me to think about why this occurred and if there was anything that I could have done differently that would've allow me to see the success in ALL of these. At the end of the day, I believe the answer was no, as I realized one thing that became a major goal later was not on that sheet (obtaining my MBA) and that has made all the difference with a lot of things in my life. This led me to consider that it was time to do another major goal setting session to understand where I want to be now in 5, 10, and even 50 years. Even though you may have done this in the past, I encourage all to consistently review and tweak their long term goals for several reasons. These reason are:
LIFE HAPPENS AND PRIORITIES CHANGE
What occurs for many people is that when a life-changing event happens (pregnancy, marriage, etc), they have a tendency to completely forget about the goals they may have had in the past and begin to "live in the moment." While there is nothing inherently wrong with this, the issue comes down the road when one looks back on their life after 20 years when the kids are finally off to college and think why didn't I ever open up that bakery that I desired. Why didn't I get that masters degree that I promised myself I would get. When we don't take a minute to redo our goals in light of a life-changing event, we cheat ourselves out of continuing to live the life that we desire. While the children or marriage should definitely change your life in some way, it shouldn't completely derail you from any of your hopes and dreams for the future. What one needs to do is take some time to review what goals he/she may have had in the past and then rewrite those goals based on what is realistic with the current life you live to continue to allow you to "move the ball" in the right direction of your ultimate goal (while it may be at a much slower pace). This will allow you to continue to be excited about life and work your new responsibilities as a parent or spouse to add to your world of accomplishment, not take it over.
YOU SHOULD GROW ENOUGH TO WANT DIFFERENT THINGS
Sometimes, we create goals out of what we think we would like and want to do, but once we have a chance to do it, we may change our minds completely. Therefore, we must continually iterate our goal setting to change with our change in desires and what is important to us. When you were younger, purchasing a Maserati may have been the most important goal you could think of. Now, you would much rather have a nice SUV to take the kids to soccer practice. By consistently taking time to evaluate whether you truly want something any more based on how you may have changed with time, you'll be surprised how many of your goals may not be goals anymore. If one doesn't do this consistently, one could potentially be putting a lot of sweat and effort towards something that will not satisfy that person once they get it. Always think through WHY your goals are your goals and if anything changes that changes that answer, then you may need to reconsider that one and create a new one.
THINGS DON'T ALWAYS GO ORIGINALLY AS PLANNED
The only predictable thing in life is unpredictability. You can never tell what is going to happen in the future. Regardless of what all the soothsayers and Ms Cleos of the world may tell you, there is no crystal ball to tell us exactly what is going to happen. For this reason, regardless of how well your plans are laid out and how well you may execute them, there are still things that are outside of your span of control that could greatly reduce your chances of being successful. What some do when this occurs is they give up and immediately drop this as a goal from there list. What would be more beneficial and effective is to begin to identify the other ways that you can still accomplish your goal but in a different manner. By consistently taking the time to re-evaluate and re-analyze your goals, you will give yourself a much better chance of coming up with a plan that will allow you to still achieve your goal. Perhaps not in the same time frame as before, but at least you will have an idea of what needs to be done to "roll with the punches" to still move forward with your desire.
Goal setting is a fun time for me, as it reminds me of the days of when I was a five year old kindergartner, thinking about all the great things I was going to do when I "grew up." And while I've accomplished many of those things so far, there are still many on the table for me to do. By consistent, iterative goal setting, not only do I get to have this feeling of excitment more consistently, but I also put myself in the best position to make sure my future plans are in tune with my current self - something that may not be the case for many if one doesn't take the necessary time to think and "make it so." Shout out to Jean Luc Picard.
LIFE HAPPENS AND PRIORITIES CHANGE
What occurs for many people is that when a life-changing event happens (pregnancy, marriage, etc), they have a tendency to completely forget about the goals they may have had in the past and begin to "live in the moment." While there is nothing inherently wrong with this, the issue comes down the road when one looks back on their life after 20 years when the kids are finally off to college and think why didn't I ever open up that bakery that I desired. Why didn't I get that masters degree that I promised myself I would get. When we don't take a minute to redo our goals in light of a life-changing event, we cheat ourselves out of continuing to live the life that we desire. While the children or marriage should definitely change your life in some way, it shouldn't completely derail you from any of your hopes and dreams for the future. What one needs to do is take some time to review what goals he/she may have had in the past and then rewrite those goals based on what is realistic with the current life you live to continue to allow you to "move the ball" in the right direction of your ultimate goal (while it may be at a much slower pace). This will allow you to continue to be excited about life and work your new responsibilities as a parent or spouse to add to your world of accomplishment, not take it over.
YOU SHOULD GROW ENOUGH TO WANT DIFFERENT THINGS
Sometimes, we create goals out of what we think we would like and want to do, but once we have a chance to do it, we may change our minds completely. Therefore, we must continually iterate our goal setting to change with our change in desires and what is important to us. When you were younger, purchasing a Maserati may have been the most important goal you could think of. Now, you would much rather have a nice SUV to take the kids to soccer practice. By consistently taking time to evaluate whether you truly want something any more based on how you may have changed with time, you'll be surprised how many of your goals may not be goals anymore. If one doesn't do this consistently, one could potentially be putting a lot of sweat and effort towards something that will not satisfy that person once they get it. Always think through WHY your goals are your goals and if anything changes that changes that answer, then you may need to reconsider that one and create a new one.
THINGS DON'T ALWAYS GO ORIGINALLY AS PLANNED
The only predictable thing in life is unpredictability. You can never tell what is going to happen in the future. Regardless of what all the soothsayers and Ms Cleos of the world may tell you, there is no crystal ball to tell us exactly what is going to happen. For this reason, regardless of how well your plans are laid out and how well you may execute them, there are still things that are outside of your span of control that could greatly reduce your chances of being successful. What some do when this occurs is they give up and immediately drop this as a goal from there list. What would be more beneficial and effective is to begin to identify the other ways that you can still accomplish your goal but in a different manner. By consistently taking the time to re-evaluate and re-analyze your goals, you will give yourself a much better chance of coming up with a plan that will allow you to still achieve your goal. Perhaps not in the same time frame as before, but at least you will have an idea of what needs to be done to "roll with the punches" to still move forward with your desire.
Goal setting is a fun time for me, as it reminds me of the days of when I was a five year old kindergartner, thinking about all the great things I was going to do when I "grew up." And while I've accomplished many of those things so far, there are still many on the table for me to do. By consistent, iterative goal setting, not only do I get to have this feeling of excitment more consistently, but I also put myself in the best position to make sure my future plans are in tune with my current self - something that may not be the case for many if one doesn't take the necessary time to think and "make it so." Shout out to Jean Luc Picard.
Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech. You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Hating...Why It Doesn't Help Anyone
So, if you ask me, there is about a 99% chance that
the Heat are going home Sunday night very disappointed with how their season
ended. Pop and Timmy are just too good
at what they do, and their hunger after what happened last year is just too
strong to be denied. If the Heat are
able to make history and pull off one of the most amazing comebacks of all time
that would be awesome to watch. However,
what disturbs me is the large group of people who are so happy that
the Heat are going to lose and would want nothing better than to see this
occur. It’s not that these people are
Spurs fans. No. No. No. They are Heat Haters and the large group of
these individuals throughout the world seems to continue to grow. Urban dictionary defines hating as “when one
puts down the success or fortune of others due to jealousy.” While I don’t
think that all the people who dislike Lebron James and the Heat are exactly “jealous”
of him, I do think there is something wrong when someone else lack of success
actually makes you happy. There are
several reasons that I think people should do away with hating and move on to
focusing on more positive things in life to make our world better. These reasons are simple.
HATING BREEDS NEGATIVITY
Hating is probably one of the most natural negative things
one can do. Think about it. It’s the act
of being happy at the failure of someone else but their failure in no way
affects your success in any measure. It’s
similar to all the Carolina fans out that were happy that Duke lost in the first
round to Macon. I could never quite understand
this. I’m from North Carolina, and I’m a Duke fan. If Duke plays Carolina, I
want Duke to win, but if Carolina plays anyone else, it doesn’t affect me in
any way. At any rate, I would probably
root for Carolina as long as they weren’t playing Duke as I would be proud
that a team from the ACC and my home state would win. This keeps me positive when I’m at a party
and I’m cheering on with my friends for Carolina to win. It shows a sense of sportsmanship and camaraderie
to one’s fellow opponent. This is in
contrast to the guy whose team lost and now he is only rooting against the team
that beat him. That guy is usually
considered a nuisance at most parties because even though he doesn’t have a dog
in the fight, he hopes one dog dies. It just seems somewhat sinister and evil.
Others around you would notice, and no one likes to hang around with negative
people.
HATING TAKES FOCUS AWAY FROM HOW YOU CAN GET BETTER
Have you ever been passed up for a promotion at work and
instantly think that the person that got it didn’t deserve it? Do you then begin to secretly hope that this
person fails so you would be proven right?
This is another form of hating and is as dangerous as the previous
example because it actually hurts you in a more direct way. While you are
focusing on hoping this individual fails, you are missing out on the fact that perhaps
there was a real reason that you were passed up for the promotion and haven’t
done an analysis on why this was the case to improve. It would be like the Indiana
Pacers rooting for the Spurs because they couldn’t beat the Heat. This actually would take away from what they
should actually be focusing on, which is how can they get better to beat the
Heat next year. Overall, this just focuses your energy on the wrong things. We only have so much energy that we
are able to give to something, and if part of that energy is focused on hoping
someone else fails, this is taking away from our focus on how we can grow each
day to get better and improve ourselves for our future success.
HATING SHOWS A LACK OF CONFIDENCE IN YOUR ABILITY TO BE
SUCCESSFUL
The last point is very subtle but I feel it is very
true. I believe that some individuals
who consistently “hate” on others in the spotlight do so because deep down
inside they don’t ever feel they will be put in a position to be that
successful and have yet to understand the tremendous amount of sacrifice and
effort it takes to get to that level. If
you look at any individual who is truly successful at his job, whether it is in
the business world or athletic field, there is a sense of respect and
admiration for others who have made it to the top of their mountain in some way. The
reason for this is because these individuals know the amount of effort it takes
to get there and, while none of us are free from criticism, we shouldn’t have
people who dislike us for no good reason just because of who we are. Individuals who are at this height in their
life or feel they are going to get there one day are always happier to
celebrate someone’s achievement than to tear them down. It is usually those individuals who are
resigned to their place in the world and have no true aspirations or ability to
improve their plight in life, who are the ones who are the most vehement
against the success of others. Since
they feel there is no chance of them ever being in a position to be criticized
by others for no reason, they have no compassion for these people and instead
decide to join the masses who would rather hurl insults at them and desire for
their demise than the individuals who respect their level of success because
they know they will match it one day. These people are generally less apt to
criticize because they hope they will receive this same compassion from others
when they reach their level of success one day.
So, please think about it. The next time you find yourself wanting
to gain solace at another person’s misfortunes, fight this feeling of
negativity and instead focus on the positive things in life to improve yourself
and your position overall. And while there
are still those who refuse to give up this notion of Heat/Lebron-hating to make
them feel better about their own lives, I’ve always reminded of the poetic phrase
from the great urban philosopher Sean Carter who once said (and I’m
paraphrasing here) “What you eat doesn’t affect my digestive health (as Erin
Andrews would say).” #goheat
Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
America's Silent Killer (Why Selfies are Bad for America)
The selfie - the most loved and hated thing in America since Justin Bieber. The amazing act of taking a picture of
yourself to post on some social media site has been adopted by so many individuals
that even Pope Francis took a selfie to send out to his loyal social media
followers. I’ve always had a feeling
that there was something inherently evil about selfies. It was as if Lucifer himself had created this
trend to consistently annoy those who can’t believe that someone would be so
wrapped up in themselves that would decide to “bless” the social world with yet
another picture of them. It’s almost as
bad as people who send you a picture of their family for Christmas. I’m always thinking who started this and why
did they think it was a good idea. "Merry
Christmas. Here’s a gift". "Oh. Is this a
gift card that I can use at a restaurant for my family?" "Goodness no. It’s a picture of my
family again." "Oh great." Who really thinks this is a good gift?! At any rate, that's another topic for another time. I knew in my
heart of heart that selfies were bad, and now through scientific research, this has been proven. The top three scientifically proven reasons selfies are bad are
SELFIES DECREASE AN INDIVIDUALS ABILITY TO FEEL CLOSE TO OTHERS
If you think about the first reason, it kind of makes
sense. If most of the pictures that
individuals post on their social media site are just pictures of themselves,
one has to think where are all their friends?
In the past, before selfies became the hottest thing since Stacy Dash in
Clueless (I love Stacy Dash by the way), people wouldn’t post pictures of
anything and would be forced to go interact with more people so they would actually
have something to post to prove to others they indeed had interesting lives.
Now, with the acceptance of the selfie, people can just incessantly post
picture of themselves doing the most mundane things (Ken buying a donut from Dunkin Donuts, Ken
eating said donut, Ken throwing the second half of the donut away because he feels
guilty and wants to make sure he's right for the summer). Now that they have this crutch
to lean on, individuals who take more selfies are less apt to have the ability
to socially interact well with others. Don’t take my word for it, however. In a study done by four professors from three
business schools in Europe, they took a survey of 508 Facebook users with an
average age of 24 to rank how close they feel to their friends, co-workers, and
relatives. What they found was there was
a large correlation between the individuals who ranked low on their feelings
of intimacy towards others and how many selfies were posted on their Facebook
account. Interesting stuff, huh?
SELFIES CAN BECOME ADDICTIVE
Second, selfies for many are a validation of who they are as
a person and can become a dangerous
addiction. For some, when they post a
picture of themselves online and get a certain number of likes, it gives them a
boost of confidence of who they are and how beautiful they are. Their entire focus is on how good they look
and how good others think they look. This
is especially dangerous for some teenagers who often struggle with their
image. When they begin to post selfies
and get a lot of likes, it can give an extra boost of confidence to make them
feel comfortable in their own skin. The
adverse side of this, however, is that often when individuals don’t get the
number of likes they think they deserve, it has the negative affect and hurts
their pride somewhat, so they have to continue to post self and get likes for
that extra boost of confidence they need for the day. This can become more and more damaging as the
self-addiction becomes so enthralled in that person’s life that they cannot
stop posting pictures of themselves to receive this validation and if they don’t
get it, they may not be able to function correctly for that day. They are constantly searching for that right
pic that will get the likes that will give them that needed boost of serotonin for the day. To get a sense of
how far this obsession could go, just look up Danny Bowman. He is a British
teenager who was so obsessed with capturing the perfect selfie that he would
roughly spend 10 hours per day taking up to 200 selfies trying to get the perfect
shot. As this addiction became more
intense, he lost 30 lbs, dropped out of school, and did not leave his house for
six months as he tried to take the perfect selfie. He actually took it so far as trying to
commit suicide because he couldn’t do it and was luckily saved by his mom. He
is currently go through rehab to treat this addiction.
SELFIES ACTUALLY CAN DECREASE ONE'S SELF-ESTEEM
The last point, and perhaps the most disturbing trend about
our selfie nation is that ironically the more selfies you take of only yourself, the more you feel worst and worst about yourself. This is very
comparable to how individuals who are always looking in the mirror are the most
self-conscious about their looks.
Because they are not 100 percent sure of their individual beauty, they
are constantly checking it to make sure it is there. These people often also have a skewed view of
the importance of looks and often hold it in too high regard for themselves and
for others. In a scientific study conducted by the Psychiatry
of London in which they had two groups (one with what is known as Body
Dismorphic Disorder and one group without it), it was proven that not only did
the BDD sufferers experience increased anxiety and depression about their looks
after prolonged engagement in the mirror (10 minutes to be exact), but the non-BDD participants did as
well. The more and more individuals are
obsessed with taking the perfect selfie, the more they will subconsciously lose
confidence and self-esteem in their natural beauty, something that is sad because
we are all beautiful in our own way.
So, in conclusion, while I hate selfies with a passion and
think they were created to piss sensible people off, don’t just take my word for it. Science has
proven that selfies can be bad for a number of reasons. And even though it is cool
to post a pic of you buying, eating, and throwing that donut away, you’ll do
yourself a much better favor by just telling us about it on twitter. #dunkindonuts
#donutnation #theyhavethebestcoffeeontheplanet
Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
What Donald Sterling Teaches Us About the World in Which We Live
Initially, I was as shocked as anyone else when I heard the now infamous reports of what Donald Sterling, Clippers owner for 33 years, said about African Americans in the recorded speech to his then girlfriend V. Stiviano (BTW, does anyone know why she DOESN'T have a true first name?). But after thinking through the situation a little more, I wasn't so much as shocked as saddened that this incident only validated certain beliefs that I've had for some time about America and where we stand in the fight against racism. From this, I think we can all learn three valuable lessons that should allow us to understand our world a little better and do whatever we can to make it better. If we truly internalize these and take the right appropriate steps when prompted, we have the opportunity to continue to move our country in the right direction. These lessons are:
THE FIGHT ISN'T OVER
The Supreme Court's decision to uphold the ban by the Michigan voter's of affirmative action in consideration for students to their universities is disturbing because it intimates that all races are all on the same playing field and the effects of Jim Crow laws and the Civil Rights Movement are no longer felt upon the world. The problem with this is that it simply isn't true. While Donald Sterling comments were extremely disturbing because it showed a blatant feeling of negativity towards a race for no reason other than color, it is even more disturbing because Donald Sterling worked in a business in reach he had to interact with this race the majority of the time. Eighty percent of the NBA players are black and the NBA has more black executives than any other major league sport in the United States. This is so disturbing because it meant that while Donald Sterling was courting Doc Rivers and slapping him on the back telling him how much he wanted him to coach his team to help the Clippers win a championship, in his heart he would have had nothing to do with Doc Rivers if he felt he didn't HAVE TO. This leads me to my belief that there are still many individuals in the world who still have negative feelings towards others outside of their race who hide it all the time because it is now not publicly acceptable to be this type of person. Not only would they be at risk of losing their job for the publishing of such negative opinions, they would also be subject to the possibility of losing lots of many due to the very fact that minorities have proven these negative opinions of them unwarranted through their ascension to the higher levels of business and would probably not have anything to do with this type of person. However, this still subtly "creeps" out when they are thinking about the next person to promote and choose the white-male candidate over the non-white female candidate because of those "intangibles." This could also come into play when they are choosing between admitting a black student to a school versus a white student because they feel the white student would be a better "culture fit." It is not overt racism that is the problem in America. No one is stupid enough to be that person. It is the subtle, subvert racism that still exist in many people minds (many whom are in a position of power) that has to be consistently checked and fought against by the minority population.
RACISM "ALLOWANCE" IS AN EPIDEMIC THAT IS ACTUALLY WORSE THAN RACISM ITSELF
One of the more disturbing things about Donald Sterling is that there is little doubt that many people that claim to NOT be racist were aware of Donald's subtle feelings toward minorities and did not check them as unacceptable. We have all been guilty of hearing someone tell a sexist, racist, or gay joke in the veil of "safety" and didn't let that person that those types of jokes are unacceptable. Some of us may even have laughed at it. With Donald Sterling, there is no doubt that his wife, Shelly Sterling, (who now desires to have 51% ownership of the Clippers) knew that he was this type of person during their 50 years of marriage. How is it possible for someone to be married to someone for so long with such negative views against a particular group and think this is okay? This is where I believe the ball was dropped by those who knew this about Donald Sterling. Tommy Lasorda, a man who has managed black players for many years in the MLB was recently quoted as saying that he "hope V Stiviano gets hit with a car." He was also quoted as saying that he was not "surprised" that Donald Sterling said those things but considers him a long time friend. The issue here is that many people feel like just because we may not directly feel that way, it is okay to laugh at jokes the intimate racism, sexism, or gender bias. It's okay to associate ourselves with individuals who say and do these things, as long as we don't say and do those things. The truth is that it's not. As long as we allow people to feel "safe" when they say things of this nature around others who look like them, then we will never be in a world that will eliminate such hate talk from existing. We all have an individual responsibility to do our part to educate others on their hate comments and make sure that we are not condoning the behavior by laughing or continually associating ourselves with that person, regardless of how powerful or wealthy they are.
TAKING THE HIGH ROAD IS STILL THE WAY TO GO
The final lesson that I think we can all take away from this is from Magic Johnson's response to Donald Sterling. While Magic Johnson had the chance (and the justifiable right) to lash back at Donald Sterling after his comments about how Magic acquired HIV, he did not. He could have easily pointed out the fact that Donald Sterling was no saint himself by having his public girl since 2010 while still married to Shelly Sterling. Instead, he decided to take the high road and say he hopes that Donald gets help, and he is "praying" for him. He also commented that if he sees Donald and his wife Sherry, he will speak to both of them and continue on his way. While I'm sure this will not be easy for Magic to do, it is reminiscent of the response of the so many people during the Civil Rights Movement in which they were lashed out against by individuals who thought they were the scum of the earth, but they refused to retaliate in a manner that would give them any satisfaction that these feelings were true. Instead, they demonstrated their true higher moral character by "turning the other cheek" and continuing to demonstrate that someone's else ignorance was not going to affect how they feel about themselves and how they treat other people...something that often stings much more than any direct attack could.
While America has come a LONG way in regards to racial equality and relations, we are subtly reminded with events like this from time to time (e.g. L.A. Riots, O.J. Simpson case, Obama Election) that we are not quite yet "there" when it comes to not having to think or talk about it anymore. While I don't truly believe that we will ever get to place in which race doesn't matter, it will take continual honest conversation about events such as this to move the rock ever closer to Martin Luther King's eventual Utopian societal dream of equality for all.
Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.
THE FIGHT ISN'T OVER
The Supreme Court's decision to uphold the ban by the Michigan voter's of affirmative action in consideration for students to their universities is disturbing because it intimates that all races are all on the same playing field and the effects of Jim Crow laws and the Civil Rights Movement are no longer felt upon the world. The problem with this is that it simply isn't true. While Donald Sterling comments were extremely disturbing because it showed a blatant feeling of negativity towards a race for no reason other than color, it is even more disturbing because Donald Sterling worked in a business in reach he had to interact with this race the majority of the time. Eighty percent of the NBA players are black and the NBA has more black executives than any other major league sport in the United States. This is so disturbing because it meant that while Donald Sterling was courting Doc Rivers and slapping him on the back telling him how much he wanted him to coach his team to help the Clippers win a championship, in his heart he would have had nothing to do with Doc Rivers if he felt he didn't HAVE TO. This leads me to my belief that there are still many individuals in the world who still have negative feelings towards others outside of their race who hide it all the time because it is now not publicly acceptable to be this type of person. Not only would they be at risk of losing their job for the publishing of such negative opinions, they would also be subject to the possibility of losing lots of many due to the very fact that minorities have proven these negative opinions of them unwarranted through their ascension to the higher levels of business and would probably not have anything to do with this type of person. However, this still subtly "creeps" out when they are thinking about the next person to promote and choose the white-male candidate over the non-white female candidate because of those "intangibles." This could also come into play when they are choosing between admitting a black student to a school versus a white student because they feel the white student would be a better "culture fit." It is not overt racism that is the problem in America. No one is stupid enough to be that person. It is the subtle, subvert racism that still exist in many people minds (many whom are in a position of power) that has to be consistently checked and fought against by the minority population.
RACISM "ALLOWANCE" IS AN EPIDEMIC THAT IS ACTUALLY WORSE THAN RACISM ITSELF
One of the more disturbing things about Donald Sterling is that there is little doubt that many people that claim to NOT be racist were aware of Donald's subtle feelings toward minorities and did not check them as unacceptable. We have all been guilty of hearing someone tell a sexist, racist, or gay joke in the veil of "safety" and didn't let that person that those types of jokes are unacceptable. Some of us may even have laughed at it. With Donald Sterling, there is no doubt that his wife, Shelly Sterling, (who now desires to have 51% ownership of the Clippers) knew that he was this type of person during their 50 years of marriage. How is it possible for someone to be married to someone for so long with such negative views against a particular group and think this is okay? This is where I believe the ball was dropped by those who knew this about Donald Sterling. Tommy Lasorda, a man who has managed black players for many years in the MLB was recently quoted as saying that he "hope V Stiviano gets hit with a car." He was also quoted as saying that he was not "surprised" that Donald Sterling said those things but considers him a long time friend. The issue here is that many people feel like just because we may not directly feel that way, it is okay to laugh at jokes the intimate racism, sexism, or gender bias. It's okay to associate ourselves with individuals who say and do these things, as long as we don't say and do those things. The truth is that it's not. As long as we allow people to feel "safe" when they say things of this nature around others who look like them, then we will never be in a world that will eliminate such hate talk from existing. We all have an individual responsibility to do our part to educate others on their hate comments and make sure that we are not condoning the behavior by laughing or continually associating ourselves with that person, regardless of how powerful or wealthy they are.
TAKING THE HIGH ROAD IS STILL THE WAY TO GO
The final lesson that I think we can all take away from this is from Magic Johnson's response to Donald Sterling. While Magic Johnson had the chance (and the justifiable right) to lash back at Donald Sterling after his comments about how Magic acquired HIV, he did not. He could have easily pointed out the fact that Donald Sterling was no saint himself by having his public girl since 2010 while still married to Shelly Sterling. Instead, he decided to take the high road and say he hopes that Donald gets help, and he is "praying" for him. He also commented that if he sees Donald and his wife Sherry, he will speak to both of them and continue on his way. While I'm sure this will not be easy for Magic to do, it is reminiscent of the response of the so many people during the Civil Rights Movement in which they were lashed out against by individuals who thought they were the scum of the earth, but they refused to retaliate in a manner that would give them any satisfaction that these feelings were true. Instead, they demonstrated their true higher moral character by "turning the other cheek" and continuing to demonstrate that someone's else ignorance was not going to affect how they feel about themselves and how they treat other people...something that often stings much more than any direct attack could.
While America has come a LONG way in regards to racial equality and relations, we are subtly reminded with events like this from time to time (e.g. L.A. Riots, O.J. Simpson case, Obama Election) that we are not quite yet "there" when it comes to not having to think or talk about it anymore. While I don't truly believe that we will ever get to place in which race doesn't matter, it will take continual honest conversation about events such as this to move the rock ever closer to Martin Luther King's eventual Utopian societal dream of equality for all.
Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.
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