Goal Evolution - Make it an Iterative Process

This past weekend, I was reviewing a list of goals that I created when I first moved to Atlanta.  It was a plan for my life from the age of 29 to 80.  As I reviewed them, I was somewhat pleased at the number of goals that I actually achieved during my four plus years here, but I was also a little disappointed at the ones in which I hadn't yet. This led me to think about why this occurred and if there was anything that I could have done differently that would've allow me to see the success in ALL of these. At the end of the day, I believe the answer was no, as I realized one thing that became a major goal later was not on that sheet (obtaining my MBA) and that has made all the difference with a lot of things in my life. This led me to consider that it was time to do another major goal setting session to understand where I want to be now in 5, 10, and even 50 years.  Even though you may have done this in the past, I encourage all to consistently review and tweak their long term goals for several reasons.  These reason are:

LIFE HAPPENS AND PRIORITIES CHANGE
What occurs for many people is that when a life-changing event happens (pregnancy, marriage, etc), they have a tendency to completely forget about the goals they may have had in the past and begin to "live in the moment."  While there is nothing inherently wrong with this, the issue comes down the road when one looks back on their life after 20 years when the kids are finally off to college and think why didn't I ever open up that bakery that I desired. Why didn't I get that masters degree that I promised myself I would get.  When we don't take a minute to redo our goals in light of a life-changing event, we cheat ourselves out of continuing to live the life that we desire. While the children or marriage should definitely change your life in some way, it shouldn't completely derail you from any of your hopes and dreams for the future.  What one needs to do is take some time to review what goals he/she may have had in the past and then rewrite those goals based on what is realistic with the current life you live to continue to allow you to "move the ball" in the right direction of your ultimate goal (while it may be at a much slower pace).  This will allow you to continue to be excited about life and work your new responsibilities as a parent or spouse to add to your world of accomplishment, not take it over.

YOU SHOULD GROW ENOUGH TO WANT DIFFERENT THINGS
Sometimes, we create goals out of what we think we would like and want to do, but once we have a chance to do it, we may change our minds completely. Therefore, we must continually iterate our goal setting to change with our change in desires and what is important to us. When you were younger, purchasing a Maserati may have been the most important goal you could think of.  Now, you would much rather have a nice SUV to take the kids to soccer practice.  By consistently taking time to evaluate whether you truly want something any more based on how you may have changed with time, you'll be surprised how many of your goals may not be goals anymore.  If one doesn't do this consistently, one could potentially be putting a lot of sweat and effort towards something that will not satisfy that person once they get it. Always think through WHY your goals are your goals and if anything changes that changes that answer, then you may need to reconsider that one and create a new one.

THINGS DON'T ALWAYS GO ORIGINALLY AS PLANNED
The only predictable thing in life is unpredictability.  You can never tell what is going to happen in the future. Regardless of what all the soothsayers and Ms Cleos of the world may tell you, there is no crystal ball to tell us exactly what is going to happen.  For this reason, regardless of how well your plans are laid out and how well you may execute them, there are still things that are outside of your span of control that could greatly reduce your chances of being successful. What some do when this occurs is they give up and immediately drop this as a goal from there list.  What would be more beneficial and effective is to begin to identify the other ways that you can still accomplish your goal but in a different manner. By consistently taking the time to re-evaluate and re-analyze your goals, you will give yourself a much better chance of coming up with a plan that will allow you to still achieve your goal.  Perhaps not in the same time frame as before, but at least you will have an idea of what needs to be done to "roll with the punches" to still move forward with your desire.

Goal setting is a fun time for me, as it reminds me of the days of when I was a five year old kindergartner, thinking about all the great things I was going to do when I "grew up." And while I've accomplished many of those things so far, there are still many on the table for me to do.  By consistent, iterative goal setting, not only do I get to have this feeling of excitment more consistently, but I also put myself in the best position to make sure my future plans are in tune with my current self - something that may not be the case for many if one doesn't take the necessary time to think and "make it so." Shout out to Jean Luc Picard.

Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech. You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN

Hating...Why It Doesn't Help Anyone

So, if you ask me, there is about a 99% chance that the Heat are going home Sunday night very disappointed with how their season ended.  Pop and Timmy are just too good at what they do, and their hunger after what happened last year is just too strong to be denied.  If the Heat are able to make history and pull off one of the most amazing comebacks of all time that would be awesome to watch.  However, what disturbs me is the large group of people who are so happy that the Heat are going to lose and would want nothing better than to see this occur.  It’s not that these people are Spurs fans.  No. No. No.  They are Heat Haters and the large group of these individuals throughout the world seems to continue to grow. Urban dictionary defines hating as “when one puts down the success or fortune of others due to jealousy.” While I don’t think that all the people who dislike Lebron James and the Heat are exactly “jealous” of him, I do think there is something wrong when someone else lack of success actually makes you happy.  There are several reasons that I think people should do away with hating and move on to focusing on more positive things in life to make our world better.  These reasons are simple.

HATING BREEDS NEGATIVITY

Hating is probably one of the most natural negative things one can do. Think about it.  It’s the act of being happy at the failure of someone else but their failure in no way affects your success in any measure.  It’s similar to all the Carolina fans out that were happy that Duke lost in the first round to Macon.  I could never quite understand this. I’m from North Carolina, and I’m a Duke fan. If Duke plays Carolina, I want Duke to win, but if Carolina plays anyone else, it doesn’t affect me in any way.  At any rate, I would probably root for Carolina as long as they weren’t playing Duke as I would be proud that a team from the ACC and my home state would win.  This keeps me positive when I’m at a party and I’m cheering on with my friends for Carolina to win.  It shows a sense of sportsmanship and camaraderie to one’s fellow opponent.  This is in contrast to the guy whose team lost and now he is only rooting against the team that beat him.  That guy is usually considered a nuisance at most parties because even though he doesn’t have a dog in the fight, he hopes one dog dies. It just seems somewhat sinister and evil. Others around you would notice, and no one likes to hang around with negative people.   

HATING TAKES FOCUS AWAY FROM HOW YOU CAN GET BETTER

Have you ever been passed up for a promotion at work and instantly think that the person that got it didn’t deserve it?  Do you then begin to secretly hope that this person fails so you would be proven right?  This is another form of hating and is as dangerous as the previous example because it actually hurts you in a more direct way. While you are focusing on hoping this individual fails, you are missing out on the fact that perhaps there was a real reason that you were passed up for the promotion and haven’t done an analysis on why this was the case to improve. It would be like the Indiana Pacers rooting for the Spurs because they couldn’t beat the Heat.  This actually would take away from what they should actually be focusing on, which is how can they get better to beat the Heat next year.  Overall, this just focuses your energy on the wrong things. We only have so much energy that we are able to give to something, and if part of that energy is focused on hoping someone else fails, this is taking away from our focus on how we can grow each day to get better and improve ourselves for our future success.

HATING SHOWS A LACK OF CONFIDENCE IN YOUR ABILITY TO BE SUCCESSFUL

The last point is very subtle but I feel it is very true.  I believe that some individuals who consistently “hate” on others in the spotlight do so because deep down inside they don’t ever feel they will be put in a position to be that successful and have yet to understand the tremendous amount of sacrifice and effort it takes to get to that level.  If you look at any individual who is truly successful at his job, whether it is in the business world or athletic field, there is a sense of respect and admiration for others who have made it to the top of their mountain in some way. The reason for this is because these individuals know the amount of effort it takes to get there and, while none of us are free from criticism, we shouldn’t have people who dislike us for no good reason just because of who we are.  Individuals who are at this height in their life or feel they are going to get there one day are always happier to celebrate someone’s achievement than to tear them down.  It is usually those individuals who are resigned to their place in the world and have no true aspirations or ability to improve their plight in life, who are the ones who are the most vehement against the success of others.  Since they feel there is no chance of them ever being in a position to be criticized by others for no reason, they have no compassion for these people and instead decide to join the masses who would rather hurl insults at them and desire for their demise than the individuals who respect their level of success because they know they will match it one day. These people are generally less apt to criticize because they hope they will receive this same compassion from others when they reach their level of success one day.

So, please think about it. The next time you find yourself wanting to gain solace at another person’s misfortunes, fight this feeling of negativity and instead focus on the positive things in life to improve yourself and your position overall.  And while there are still those who refuse to give up this notion of Heat/Lebron-hating to make them feel better about their own lives, I’ve always reminded of the poetic phrase from the great urban philosopher Sean Carter who once said (and I’m paraphrasing here) “What you eat doesn’t affect my digestive health (as Erin Andrews would say).” #goheat

Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.

You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN

America's Silent Killer (Why Selfies are Bad for America)

The selfie - the most loved and hated thing in America since Justin Bieber.  The amazing act of taking a picture of yourself to post on some social media site has been adopted by so many individuals that even Pope Francis took a selfie to send out to his loyal social media followers.  I’ve always had a feeling that there was something inherently evil about selfies. It was as if Lucifer himself had created this trend to consistently annoy those who can’t believe that someone would be so wrapped up in themselves that would decide to “bless” the social world with yet another picture of them.  It’s almost as bad as people who send you a picture of their family for Christmas.  I’m always thinking who started this and why did they think it was a good idea.  "Merry Christmas. Here’s a gift".  "Oh. Is this a gift card that I can use at a restaurant for my family?"  "Goodness no.  It’s a picture of my family again."  "Oh great."  Who really thinks this is a good gift?! At any rate, that's another topic for another time.  I knew in my heart of heart that selfies were bad, and now through scientific research, this has been proven.  The top three scientifically proven reasons selfies are bad are

SELFIES DECREASE AN INDIVIDUALS ABILITY TO FEEL CLOSE TO OTHERS

If you think about the first reason, it kind of makes sense.  If most of the pictures that individuals post on their social media site are just pictures of themselves, one has to think where are all their friends?  In the past, before selfies became the hottest thing since Stacy Dash in Clueless (I love Stacy Dash by the way), people wouldn’t post pictures of anything and would be forced to go interact with more people so they would actually have something to post to prove to others they indeed had interesting lives. Now, with the acceptance of the selfie, people can just incessantly post picture of themselves doing the most mundane things (Ken buying a donut from Dunkin Donuts, Ken eating said donut, Ken throwing the second half of the donut away because he feels guilty and wants to make sure he's right for the summer).  Now that they have this crutch to lean on, individuals who take more selfies are less apt to have the ability to socially interact well with others. Don’t take my word for it, however.  In a study done by four professors from three business schools in Europe, they took a survey of 508 Facebook users with an average age of 24 to rank how close they feel to their friends, co-workers, and relatives.  What they found was there was a large correlation between the individuals who ranked low on their feelings of intimacy towards others and how many selfies were posted on their Facebook account. Interesting stuff, huh?

SELFIES CAN BECOME ADDICTIVE

Second, selfies for many are a validation of who they are as a person and can become a dangerous 

addiction. For some, when they post a picture of themselves online and get a certain number of likes, it gives them a boost of confidence of who they are and how beautiful they are.  Their entire focus is on how good they look and how good others think they look.  This is especially dangerous for some teenagers who often struggle with their image.  When they begin to post selfies and get a lot of likes, it can give an extra boost of confidence to make them feel comfortable in their own skin.  The adverse side of this, however, is that often when individuals don’t get the number of likes they think they deserve, it has the negative affect and hurts their pride somewhat, so they have to continue to post self and get likes for that extra boost of confidence they need for the day.  This can become more and more damaging as the self-addiction becomes so enthralled in that person’s life that they cannot stop posting pictures of themselves to receive this validation and if they don’t get it, they may not be able to function correctly for that day.  They are constantly searching for that right pic that will get the likes that will give them that needed boost of serotonin for the day.  To get a sense of how far this obsession could go, just look up Danny Bowman. He is a British teenager who was so obsessed with capturing the perfect selfie that he would roughly spend 10 hours per day taking up to 200 selfies trying to get the perfect shot.  As this addiction became more intense, he lost 30 lbs, dropped out of school, and did not leave his house for six months as he tried to take the perfect selfie.  He actually took it so far as trying to commit suicide because he couldn’t do it and was luckily saved by his mom. He is currently go through rehab to treat this addiction. 

SELFIES ACTUALLY CAN DECREASE ONE'S SELF-ESTEEM

The last point, and perhaps the most disturbing trend about our selfie nation is that ironically the more selfies you take of only yourself, the more you feel worst and worst about yourself. This is very comparable to how individuals who are always looking in the mirror are the most self-conscious about their looks.  Because they are not 100 percent sure of their individual beauty, they are constantly checking it to make sure it is there.  These people often also have a skewed view of the importance of looks and often hold it in too high regard for themselves and for others. In a scientific study conducted by the Psychiatry of London in which they had two groups (one with what is known as Body Dismorphic Disorder and one group without it), it was proven that not only did the BDD sufferers experience increased anxiety and depression about their looks after prolonged engagement in the mirror (10 minutes to be exact), but the non-BDD participants did as well.  The more and more individuals are obsessed with taking the perfect selfie, the more they will subconsciously lose confidence and self-esteem in their natural beauty, something that is sad because we are all beautiful in our own way.

So, in conclusion, while I hate selfies with a passion and think they were created to piss sensible people off, don’t just take my word for it. Science has proven that selfies can be bad for a number of reasons. And even though it is cool to post a pic of you buying, eating, and throwing that donut away, you’ll do yourself a much better favor by just telling us about it on twitter. #dunkindonuts #donutnation #theyhavethebestcoffeeontheplanet 

Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.

You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN