I was out with a group of friends the other day and one of them wanted to go to day party on Saturday in Atlanta - Atlanta is famous for the day turn-up when the weather is nice. I promptly told him that I couldn't make it because I had a lot of work to do for work and school. He immediately began berating me on why couldn't I do the work first thing that morning and still come out. My other friend, however, said he might be able to make it, but he had a lot of things he wanted to do tomorrow, himself. He also told my other friend to stop giving me such a hard time because getting an MBA isn't easy when you're working a 60 hour week job because you have to make sacrifices. This exchange sparked a thought in my mind in the difference between the two guys. One of the guys (the day party-goer) was the type of guy who jumped around from job to job because he couldn't ever really find out what "fit" him, while the other guy (the maybe day party-goer) had been on the same job for the past five years and was working on getting a certain certification to get a raise soon. I thought about the difference between the two and decided it was no coincidence that I spend much more time with the latter than the former, based on our natural shared interest and common goals. These led to begin thinking about all the different "friends" I have in my life and how I evaluate with whom I spend my time. They say your income will be within 10% of the people that you spend the majority of your time with. For that reason, it matters tremendously with whom you spend your time and how much. To be able to judge who should get more of your time versus who should get less, there are three simple questions that you can ask that will help you make this decision.
DO THEY BRING YOU UP OR DOWN?
We all have those friends who typically are more discouraging than encouraging when you hang around them. They are those people who generally slip in a slight comment here and there about the way you dress or your attempt at achieving some goal. They have a tendency to want to downplay any significant achievement you may have, while making sure to put the spotlight on any mistake you might make. These are the people that you dread telling about something that went wrong in your life because they are either going to say "I told you so" or not let you hear the end of it. On the other hand, you have those friends who typically don't judge you. They admit their mistakes to you and, more often than not, are always encouraging you to forget about your mistakes and keeping looking toward the future. You can recognize the difference in the two by sharing a goal you may have for the future. The positive one will be excited about your goal and then begin asking questions about how you plan to achieve it. The negative one will immediately begin talking about all the traps that could decrease your chances of being successful and begin giving you reasons why you should choose an alternative idea - a way of thinking that could prove useful but not without first giving you encouragement about pursuing your idea if it's what you desire to do.
ARE THEY ON THE SAME LEVEL OR FURTHER THAN YOU IN THEIR LIFE/CAREER?
This one is rather easy to figure out. You just have to look at what they have accomplished in their lives and how successful they are in their career to get a sense of where your relationship should stand. As mentioned earlier, most people earn within 10% of the people that they spend the majority of their time. Therefore, if you friends are all making significantly less than you, there is good chance your income will decrease instead of increase over time. On the other side, if you are surrounding yourself with individuals who are making the same or much more than you, than you are putting yourself in a situation in which you will have access to ideas and opportunities that will put you in a higher tax bracket down the road. The reason this works so well is because when you hang around people who are as successful or more successful than you, they have a sense of what it took to get there and what opportunities one can create with hard work and sacrifice. Therefore, when you tell them about a goal that will require tremendous effort and sacrifice, they are on-board to have your back because they may have achieved something comparable. They are going to encourage you to make these sacrifices, not skirt your responsibility.
ARE THEY ALWAYS TAKING OR GIVING
This question can be applied to your friends and also your family members. Whether if it's your energy, money, or advice, do these individuals always attempt to take something from you rather than give you something? Do you have that person in your life who is ALWAYS asking to borrow money. And even though he or she pays it back, it's the fact that over the course of years, they haven't figured out the right decisions to not put themselves in that situation. That's someone whom you must limited your time with. Are there those people who always come to you with their problems. They are the SAME problems that you just gave them advice about six months ago, but yet they haven't done anything different to change their situation. Does their negativity from their life situation have a tendency to drain you of your positive energy? These are the people with whom you have to ration your time because they will continue to take what you allow them to take from you. On the flip side, if you have people who bring positive energy to a situation, are always encouraging, and generally are trying to help bring solutions to your life rather than problems, then you have someone that you should definitely work to spend more time with.
Friends. There are all different groups of them in your life. You have to make sure that you are taking the time to evaluate how spend your time with them to make sure you are giving yourself the best chance to be successful. Ideally, you would want to spend the majority of your time with the people who fit in all three groups. However, the reality is that this is sometimes not the case, and you just have to ration your time with the individuals who fit in one or two of the categories accordingly, while continuing to put yourself in social settings in which you can have more access to those who fit into all three. And on the flip side, you need to consistently do an evaluation of yourself to make sure you're being the type of friend that fits into all three categories to your friends Because, if not, instead of being the "rationer", you'll find yourself being the "rationed."
Ken Middleton is an Account Manager at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech (Graduate in May! - Whoop Whoop!). You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN
No comments:
Post a Comment