Okay, so most of the people who know me probably know my stance on kids. I think kids are amazing and great for those who desire to have them in their lives. I'm thankful to my mother for having and raising me, but I have waited to have kids because I'm not 100 percent sold on ever having them. And if I do decide to have any, I think that one is more than enough for me. While I don't think that everyone should adopt my view of not or only having one kid, I think most would benefit by taking more time before making the decision for several reasons.
MANY HAVE THEM WHEN THEY ARE TOO YOUNG
You see it all the time. Parents who are only 22-25 years old with babies in their arms, trying to juggle everything that life throws at them. The problem with having a kid at such a young age is that many people are still trying to figure themselves at that time. It goes back to my previous blog on marriage (Most Common Mistakes When Searching For a Spouse). Most people are still very much developing at that age and have a long way to go before they will be 100 percent comfortable with whom they are as a person. When having and raising child, there is a lot of emotional, financial, and physical responsibility that goes with it. This can hinder one's personal growth by not allowing the individual the opportunity to experience different things in life because of the consuming commitment to the child. This often leads to parents becoming stagnant in their personal development as they begin to pour everything into the child. This is something that the child appreciates but often leaves the parents without a sense of purpose once the child has left for college. By waiting, individuals will have more time to mature and truly come into their own before having to make the sacrifices of parenthood.
KIDS ARE EXPENSIVE
It amazes me how many people don't consider this when planning to have a baby. You see it all the time with couples who are barely making it or even living a decently comfortable lifestyle who desire to have their first or another baby because they feel it is the right thing to do. They feel "it is time" or they need to give their first child a sibling to share things with. There are also those who do it because they've just always wanted a girl or a boy, so they have to give it a shot. I have always felt this was completely irrational and irresponsible behavior. Having a first child or another one is a crazy decision if you haven't taken into account the financial responsibility that kid will bring with it. The cost of raising a child from birth to 18 was last measured at $226, 920. Once you adjust the after tax amount for what you would have to make pre-tax to get this amount ($283,650) and then divide that by 18, you are looking at an additional outlay of 15,758 per year or $1,313 per month. This is roughly the equivalent of financing a $92,000 car for a 6 year payoff, but this cost doesn't end after only six years. While most people would balk at the thought of owning multiple cars of this amount, most people think 2-3 kids is simply the norm without realizing they truly can't afford it without putting a tremendous financial strain on themselves.
KIDS ARE TIME CONSUMING
While the monetary outlay described above is one thing to consider when planning for kids, the other large investment that you cannot redeem is your time. You need to make sure that you are prepared to spend the time your child needs to truly receive the nurturing and love to become developmentally stable. If one is in the early stages of a career and putting in long hours at the job to learn and get ahead, it may not be the best time to have a kid. It may be best to wait until you have developed the mental expertise and time management ability that often comes with time that will allow you to still be successful at your job while working fewer hours, so you can dedicate more time to your son or daughter. Also, back to the argument about having too many kids, while you may think you are doing your child a service by giving him/her playmates, one is really only dividing the attention that each of the kids would receive. This could lead to more harm than good, as each kid may get a little attention but not the amount he or she fully needs from a parent. I truly believe this happens more than is realized and could explain the difference of one sibling growing up completely successful and emotionally stable, while the other feels lost and disengaged with life. By being able to give more time to fewer children, one greatly increases the chances this will not happen.
This is not an indictment on kids. I have two wonderful nephews (Omare and Jalen) and three beautiful nieces (Adrieanna, Gabriel, and Malia) and love being "Uncle Kenny." They are awesome and one of the greatest joys I have in my life. However, this is a request for individuals to slow down their rush to be "mommy" and "daddy" so soon and truly consider the lifestyle changes, financial outlay, and time obligations that such a decision will create in their lives. This may mean that you have a kid when you are 35 as opposed to 25 or you only have one kid as opposed to three. I even think adoption should be considered by more people (who says the kid has to look like you when there are so many children who need homes in foster care). By waiting and thinking through the decision more thoroughly, individuals will be much better equipped to make the right decision and truly give their child the kind of life and time commitment they deserve.
Ken Middleton is an Account Executive at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and sales. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.
You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Saturday, December 22, 2012
While They Can Still Smell Them - The Case for Living Funerals
The people who truly know me are well aware that I'm a momma's boy. There are no qualms about it: Darlene Middleton is, and will always be, my first love. She has been one of the greatest sources of inspiration to me and has always put me and my siblings first before anything else in her life. While thinking about the numerous gifts I could get her for Christmas and her rapidly approaching 56th birthday, I thought about how there isn't a present that exist that is truly able to convey the appreciation I have for her and what she has done for me throughout my life. I thought about her age and how tomorrow isn't promised and about all the amazing things people would have to say about her on the tragic day of her funeral. This led me to think about how she would never be able to hear those words and ask the question why, as a society, do we wait to give such an amazing ceremony of appreciation and greatness to our loved ones when they are not there to hear and appreciate it. For this reason, I've decided to give my mom what I would call a"Living Funeral"in 2013 and would encourage others to do so for their parents as well.
Okay, so I know the name sounds a little eerie, but I think it will drive home the point. Most people think of death as being so far off that they often have to time to get to things later in life. By establishing the practice of Living Funerals, we will not only appreciate more the impact of others in our lives, but also appreciate our own time on this earth as well. This ritual will allow individuals to show appreciation for their love and dedication in our lives while they are able to see and hear it. We see various religious, entertainment, and sports organizations do this all the time. Even Tim Tebow got his speech engraved at Florida while he was still there! I move to make this an accepted practice by everyone for their parents starting in 2013. The first Living Funeral should happen when the individual turns 50 and others will follow every 10 years so this person will not forget the impact they have had on others. This doesn't have to be a super extravangant event with everyone that this person has ever met but should be large enough that the individual will feel the impact of their effect on others' lives.
By making this a normal accepted practice of everyday culture, the impact will actually be two fold: First, the obvious impact is that it will allow the person to truly feel they have been appreciated by their kids and know their life has been worth it up to this point. Our lives are only made purposeful if we are able to leave the world a better place than when we arrived and by having people tell us the great impact we have had on them, it would help us have a true sense that our lives have been worthy up to that point. Second, if we are turning 40 or so and feel that up to that point our Living Funeral wouldn't have many participants with anything good to say about us, then we could use it as an impetus to gut check ourselves and change our actions to not make this the case in 10 years. As the name implies, it will help us remember our own mortality and take an assessment of what we have done with our lives up to that point and work hard to make our Living Funeral something special.
While there may still be some kinks to work out, I implore everyone who has older parents to consider adopting this practice in their family. We often take for granted that our parents must know the tremendous impact they have had on us and our lives. By giving them a Living Funeral, sooner rather than later, we can make sure this is the case.
Okay, so I know the name sounds a little eerie, but I think it will drive home the point. Most people think of death as being so far off that they often have to time to get to things later in life. By establishing the practice of Living Funerals, we will not only appreciate more the impact of others in our lives, but also appreciate our own time on this earth as well. This ritual will allow individuals to show appreciation for their love and dedication in our lives while they are able to see and hear it. We see various religious, entertainment, and sports organizations do this all the time. Even Tim Tebow got his speech engraved at Florida while he was still there! I move to make this an accepted practice by everyone for their parents starting in 2013. The first Living Funeral should happen when the individual turns 50 and others will follow every 10 years so this person will not forget the impact they have had on others. This doesn't have to be a super extravangant event with everyone that this person has ever met but should be large enough that the individual will feel the impact of their effect on others' lives.
By making this a normal accepted practice of everyday culture, the impact will actually be two fold: First, the obvious impact is that it will allow the person to truly feel they have been appreciated by their kids and know their life has been worth it up to this point. Our lives are only made purposeful if we are able to leave the world a better place than when we arrived and by having people tell us the great impact we have had on them, it would help us have a true sense that our lives have been worthy up to that point. Second, if we are turning 40 or so and feel that up to that point our Living Funeral wouldn't have many participants with anything good to say about us, then we could use it as an impetus to gut check ourselves and change our actions to not make this the case in 10 years. As the name implies, it will help us remember our own mortality and take an assessment of what we have done with our lives up to that point and work hard to make our Living Funeral something special.
While there may still be some kinks to work out, I implore everyone who has older parents to consider adopting this practice in their family. We often take for granted that our parents must know the tremendous impact they have had on us and our lives. By giving them a Living Funeral, sooner rather than later, we can make sure this is the case.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Connecticut: Could We have Prevented the Killings?
PREFACE:
Due to the tragic nature of recent events, I felt compelled to share my thoughts on how we can prevent events similar to that which we have witnessed over the past few months from occurring in the future. I will return next week with my usual tips for life and motivation, but desired to get this thought out there as a way to, hopefully, spark a change that will save lives in the future.
BLOG:
I don't often like to get involved in political debates, and the one that is coming in relation to gun laws is as clear as the sky is blue. With so many dying yesterday in Connecticut, inevitably, there will be the typical outcry from anti-gun groups for tougher gun laws and the just-as-typical response from gun owners to protect their 2nd amendment rights. Some will argue that if Adam Lanza never had access to a gun those who died yesterday would have possibly been spared. Others will argue that if not for the allowance of guns, more tragedies similar to this could have ended worse. While I still will not get into this debate, as I think (as with most things) the true answer lies somewhere in the middle of the two arguments, I do think that as a society we are unknowingly encouraging these heinous acts of violence by doing something that is as natural to our human instincts as a baby's response to cry when they are born: WE WATCH. The problem with the great news coverage that is given to these incidents, and our subsequent engrossment with them, is two fold: 1. It is exactly what the killer often desires and 2. It actually incites similar acts by others in the future rather than prevent it.
JUST WHAT THE KILLER DESIRES
The desire to watch tragic stories is something that we naturally desire to do because we feel the need to understand why these things happen. What we (and the dozens of news shows and newspapers that stop everything to report these incidences) don't understand is that we are doing exactly what the killer of these innocent victims desires us to do. I cannot begin to understand the psychology of what goes into a plan such a this, but often with serial killers, one of the great desires of the killer is the sensationalism that their acts create. They often love to watch the news clips of their deeds as authorities are baffled at how to catch them. While this is clearly not the case in relation to many of the recent events, as many of the killers did not survive their attacks, there is a clear indication that this person desired to make some type of statement. And what more sure fire way to make a statement for all to hear then to commit an act so violent, grotesque and unbelievable that you will get air time on every major cable channel that exist? It is known that James Holmes (Colorado Batman Movie killer, a.k.a. The Joker) and Anders Behring Breivrik (2011 Norwegian Massacre killer) both had written manifestos on their thoughts and beliefs. Their hope was that someone would finally listen to them due to new found "fame" from their actions and their message would be heard. In fact, Breivrik is currently serving a 21 year prison sentence in Norway and working on several books in which he plans to publish. How many people do you think would purchase these? Way more than I bet we would care to admit.
COPYCAT KILLERS
Outside of feeding the desires of the killers with our following of such acts, the second effect is even more dangerous and terrifying. Police are often on high alert for copy cat killers when something like this happens, but the problem with the incessant news coverage of such a horrible event is that it only serves to inspire others who may have similar psychological issues. They often adopt such ideas from such an event and create their own plan of mass murder and destruction. For others, it serves as the catalyst or trigger that sets off their own predetermined thoughts. Copycat killers have been around since Jack the Ripper, and there is a clear connection between highly publicized acts of violence and similar incidents occurring later as a result of direct inspiration from these incidences. In Malcom Gladwell's "Tipping Point," he refers to the great increase in suicides in various communities based on the suicide of a public and somewhat sensational character. There is a chance that we are, in a sense, creating this very possibility when we give such high volume news coverage to murder/suicides, as their numbers have risen dramatically over the past three years.
The deaths of those in Connecticut were as tragic as any in the history of the United States. The desire to watch the different layers as they unfold is understandable and a natural part of our desire to see sensational things. However, as sporting events learned to not show the acts of streakers on television to not encourage this act from others to gain their "fifteen minutes of fame," we must also refuse to cover and watch all tragic events of a killer desiring to be heard. I'm not claiming to have the answer to prevent another tragic event from happening, but if we refuse to consistently watch the results of such actions and new channels refuse to reward the killer with continuous coverage, we will defuse the results of the effort and decrease the chances of such a tragedy happening again.
If not, we are only asking others to do the same, so we will watch and listen to what they have to say too.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Three EASY New Year's Resolutions to Make Your Life Spectacular in 2013!
The new year is around the corner, and if you don't believe the Mayans, you are making plans for 2013 to be much better than 2012 and taking your career to the next level. While making your resolutions to create a better YOU in 2013, there are so many things to consider. I've simplified it, however, and boiled it down to three simple things that will put on your path to growth and success like never before.
Know that nothing is EASY.
I tricked you there, didn't I? If the title of "EASY resolutions" excited you, then you need to take a minute and recalibrate your internal system. This a probably a direct reason why you may have not been successful in 2012. Nothing that is worth anything is ever easy. We see the great desire of "30 minutes abs" or "get rich quick" schemes in America because the majority of people desire microwave success. To start that business that you've always desired or have that loving relationship with your spouse, it takes hard work and perseverance. Just by accepting and realizing this is the case, on the days when it seems like everything is going wrong, it will be much "easier" to handle, as you will realize that means you are working towards something worthy of your time and energy.
Read. Read. Read.
I often share the fact that top CEO's say they read, on average, 60 books a year, while the average person reads less than one. Couple this with the fact that CEO's make 380 times the salary of the median income in America and you can see how truly powerful this is. Reading is the key to learning the tips, strategies, and best practices that can help you be successful without having to actually go through the experiences. This often leads to great lessons that will accelerate your growth and, subsequent, achievement. I do this simply by reading 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes at night (when possible), along with listening to audiobooks in my car. You can easily digest 50-80 books (depending on how fast you read) a year by doing this. I do know individuals who do not read who are somewhat successful, but they will never reach their full potential as long as they refuse to utilize the wealth of information that others have shared that will take their career to an entirely different level.
Embrace fear and use it as your "do it" signal
I'm in sales so I know how you can get that feeling of trepidation when having to make that sales call or presentation to a high level executive or ask for that increase in cost that you think could lose you the deal. How to overcome such fear is simply to use it as the signal to do it right then. Often, when we are put in situations in which we have the opportunity to speak up or do something bold (but that we know is right), we let that quick feeling of fear in our chest hold us back.
Instead of letting that fear make you pause and hesitate to move forward, use it at the catalyst to do what you are afraid of. The secret to this is that the more you do it, the more that fear will dissipate as time goes on. The other secret (and way more impacting in my opinion) is that it may NEVER go away completely, but you have to continue to fight against it to achieve the goals you desire. That's right. Individuals who are seemingly "cool and collected" in all situations feel the same fear as you before a big presentation or action. The difference is that they've built up the habit to embrace this to move forward regardless and, subsequently, seem fearless in the eyes of others. You won't be able to achieve your true success until you do so as well.
Easy - schmeasy. Success takes hard work. If not, 10% of the America's population wouldn't hold 74.5% of it's wealth. For 2013, make sure to use this three tips to work through the difficult times to become part of this 10% and truly make 2013 the best year ever!
Ken Middleton is an Account Executive at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and sales. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.
You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN
Know that nothing is EASY.
I tricked you there, didn't I? If the title of "EASY resolutions" excited you, then you need to take a minute and recalibrate your internal system. This a probably a direct reason why you may have not been successful in 2012. Nothing that is worth anything is ever easy. We see the great desire of "30 minutes abs" or "get rich quick" schemes in America because the majority of people desire microwave success. To start that business that you've always desired or have that loving relationship with your spouse, it takes hard work and perseverance. Just by accepting and realizing this is the case, on the days when it seems like everything is going wrong, it will be much "easier" to handle, as you will realize that means you are working towards something worthy of your time and energy.
Read. Read. Read.
I often share the fact that top CEO's say they read, on average, 60 books a year, while the average person reads less than one. Couple this with the fact that CEO's make 380 times the salary of the median income in America and you can see how truly powerful this is. Reading is the key to learning the tips, strategies, and best practices that can help you be successful without having to actually go through the experiences. This often leads to great lessons that will accelerate your growth and, subsequent, achievement. I do this simply by reading 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes at night (when possible), along with listening to audiobooks in my car. You can easily digest 50-80 books (depending on how fast you read) a year by doing this. I do know individuals who do not read who are somewhat successful, but they will never reach their full potential as long as they refuse to utilize the wealth of information that others have shared that will take their career to an entirely different level.
Embrace fear and use it as your "do it" signal
I'm in sales so I know how you can get that feeling of trepidation when having to make that sales call or presentation to a high level executive or ask for that increase in cost that you think could lose you the deal. How to overcome such fear is simply to use it as the signal to do it right then. Often, when we are put in situations in which we have the opportunity to speak up or do something bold (but that we know is right), we let that quick feeling of fear in our chest hold us back.
Instead of letting that fear make you pause and hesitate to move forward, use it at the catalyst to do what you are afraid of. The secret to this is that the more you do it, the more that fear will dissipate as time goes on. The other secret (and way more impacting in my opinion) is that it may NEVER go away completely, but you have to continue to fight against it to achieve the goals you desire. That's right. Individuals who are seemingly "cool and collected" in all situations feel the same fear as you before a big presentation or action. The difference is that they've built up the habit to embrace this to move forward regardless and, subsequently, seem fearless in the eyes of others. You won't be able to achieve your true success until you do so as well.
Easy - schmeasy. Success takes hard work. If not, 10% of the America's population wouldn't hold 74.5% of it's wealth. For 2013, make sure to use this three tips to work through the difficult times to become part of this 10% and truly make 2013 the best year ever!
Ken Middleton is an Account Executive at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and sales. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.
You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Most Common Mistakes Made When Searching for a Spouse.
That special someone. It seems like everyone is always searching for that person who will "complete" them to make their lives better. Whether they are at networking events, social gatherings with friends, or even their job, they are always keeping an eye out for that person who can finally end that seemingly perpetual search for that person who "gets them." While as human beings, we are not built to be by ourselves forever, many people are looking so hard for someone else, they fall into major traps that could end up haunting them for a life time. These traps tend to be different for different age brackets, however, and must be recognized to be prevented.
THEY FIND SOMEONE TOO EARLY IN THEIR LIVES (25 and younger)
Many people meet someone in high school or college, date for a respectable number of years, and then get married immediately following. It seems like the fairy tale ending, but, unfortunately, this often does not turn out that way. We've all heard of the couples who are "just married for the kids" or get divorced as soon as the kids are off to college. These marriages are often a direct result of this endeavor. The reason these marriages don't work out is because of one simple reason: CHANGE. I would question anyone who is the same person at the age of 22 that they are at 32. Hopefully, over time, our taste change, our persona changes, and our desires change. Why then, do so many people think they should make the decision of who they should spend the rest of their lives with at such a young age - while they are still growing and discovering themselves? By waiting, individuals will allow themselves the ability to truly see what the world has to offer by traveling and taking part in different social circles. As one progresses in her/her career, the types of individuals with which one interacts should change dramatically. Giving oneself the chance to truly explore what is out there and know what works and doesn't work will greatly increase the chances of someone truly knowing who is the right person for them.
THEY SETTLE (25-34)
This happens more than many people will probably admit. One most often sees this happen with people who are in that "tweener" age. They don't feel like an old person, but don't feel like they are a club type anymore. At that age, many feel that they are "grown up" and should be in a serious relationship that is working towards marriage. Many of their friends will be getting married around this time and the repetitive tuxedo and dress fittings (along with persistent questioning of their mom) will only keep bringing up the question of when will be their time. While they may care for their current partner, and the thought of spending the rest of their lives with that person seems very doable, there are often some thoughts in the back of their mind of "little things" that they wished they didn't do. However, they chalk it up to the sacrifices of love and figure time will work it out. BIG MISTAKE.
The problem with this is that often, after they are married, things don't get better. The individual may feel that you are married now, so "it is what it is" and doesn't make any more attempts to improve. You lose any leverage you may have had while dating by getting married, so there is no true impetus for the person to work on themselves. You've bought the car now, so you can't go back to the dealership to renegotiate the terms.
If there are things about the person you are dating that gives you reason to pause, don't move forward. Often people want to make someone the love of their life, not because that person naturally is, but because they are in that great "tweener' age. However, when we were dating in high school, we knew unless they were absolutely perfect, we weren't going to settle since we had so much more time to choose. However, when we reach a certain age, we feel that time's running out and we should take that leap regardless how many red flags we may see with the current person we're with. The average life expectancy is close to 80 years old (78.2 to be exact). That's a long time to put up with something you could have prevented in the first place.
THEY DON'T SPEND ENOUGH TIME ON IMPROVING THEMSELVES (35+)
This mistake is most commonly made by individuals who have been divorced. Most of these people come from the group that made the first mistake of the under 25 crowd by getting married too early. They get a divorce and feel shocked for some time of why their marriage didn't work out. Many may have lived for more years with their partner than without and truly have a problem of creating an identity on their own. They feel "lost" without someone else in their lives and often look to engage in a new relationship with the first person who makes them feel special. The problem with this, however, is that often the person does not take enough time to truly reflect on who they are and what they desire for the rest of their life. They don't take advantage of the large volume of time being single provides someone to work on making themselves the best person they can be without the outside pressure of having to please anyone else. These people often jump right back into a relationship because they think it automatically has to better. Unfortunately, this just isn't the case. While the divorce rate of first time marriages is high at 41%, it is nothing compared to the 2nd and 3rd marriage divorce rates (60% and 73% respectively). If people would work on improving themselves and finding who they are first, they may even realize that marriage just isn't for them - something that's becoming more and more common these days.
Marriage is tough. I would argue that it is the most difficult thing that anyone will ever do in their entire life. Make sure to prevent making one of the mistakes above to increase the chances you will have a successful one.
Ken Middleton is an Account Executive at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and sales. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.
You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN
THEY FIND SOMEONE TOO EARLY IN THEIR LIVES (25 and younger)
Many people meet someone in high school or college, date for a respectable number of years, and then get married immediately following. It seems like the fairy tale ending, but, unfortunately, this often does not turn out that way. We've all heard of the couples who are "just married for the kids" or get divorced as soon as the kids are off to college. These marriages are often a direct result of this endeavor. The reason these marriages don't work out is because of one simple reason: CHANGE. I would question anyone who is the same person at the age of 22 that they are at 32. Hopefully, over time, our taste change, our persona changes, and our desires change. Why then, do so many people think they should make the decision of who they should spend the rest of their lives with at such a young age - while they are still growing and discovering themselves? By waiting, individuals will allow themselves the ability to truly see what the world has to offer by traveling and taking part in different social circles. As one progresses in her/her career, the types of individuals with which one interacts should change dramatically. Giving oneself the chance to truly explore what is out there and know what works and doesn't work will greatly increase the chances of someone truly knowing who is the right person for them.
THEY SETTLE (25-34)
This happens more than many people will probably admit. One most often sees this happen with people who are in that "tweener" age. They don't feel like an old person, but don't feel like they are a club type anymore. At that age, many feel that they are "grown up" and should be in a serious relationship that is working towards marriage. Many of their friends will be getting married around this time and the repetitive tuxedo and dress fittings (along with persistent questioning of their mom) will only keep bringing up the question of when will be their time. While they may care for their current partner, and the thought of spending the rest of their lives with that person seems very doable, there are often some thoughts in the back of their mind of "little things" that they wished they didn't do. However, they chalk it up to the sacrifices of love and figure time will work it out. BIG MISTAKE.
The problem with this is that often, after they are married, things don't get better. The individual may feel that you are married now, so "it is what it is" and doesn't make any more attempts to improve. You lose any leverage you may have had while dating by getting married, so there is no true impetus for the person to work on themselves. You've bought the car now, so you can't go back to the dealership to renegotiate the terms.
If there are things about the person you are dating that gives you reason to pause, don't move forward. Often people want to make someone the love of their life, not because that person naturally is, but because they are in that great "tweener' age. However, when we were dating in high school, we knew unless they were absolutely perfect, we weren't going to settle since we had so much more time to choose. However, when we reach a certain age, we feel that time's running out and we should take that leap regardless how many red flags we may see with the current person we're with. The average life expectancy is close to 80 years old (78.2 to be exact). That's a long time to put up with something you could have prevented in the first place.
THEY DON'T SPEND ENOUGH TIME ON IMPROVING THEMSELVES (35+)
This mistake is most commonly made by individuals who have been divorced. Most of these people come from the group that made the first mistake of the under 25 crowd by getting married too early. They get a divorce and feel shocked for some time of why their marriage didn't work out. Many may have lived for more years with their partner than without and truly have a problem of creating an identity on their own. They feel "lost" without someone else in their lives and often look to engage in a new relationship with the first person who makes them feel special. The problem with this, however, is that often the person does not take enough time to truly reflect on who they are and what they desire for the rest of their life. They don't take advantage of the large volume of time being single provides someone to work on making themselves the best person they can be without the outside pressure of having to please anyone else. These people often jump right back into a relationship because they think it automatically has to better. Unfortunately, this just isn't the case. While the divorce rate of first time marriages is high at 41%, it is nothing compared to the 2nd and 3rd marriage divorce rates (60% and 73% respectively). If people would work on improving themselves and finding who they are first, they may even realize that marriage just isn't for them - something that's becoming more and more common these days.
Marriage is tough. I would argue that it is the most difficult thing that anyone will ever do in their entire life. Make sure to prevent making one of the mistakes above to increase the chances you will have a successful one.
Ken Middleton is an Account Executive at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and sales. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.
You can follow his daily quotes of inspiration and motivation on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIN
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