Okay, so most of the people who know me probably know my stance on kids. I think kids are amazing and great for those who desire to have them in their lives. I'm thankful to my mother for having and raising me, but I have waited to have kids because I'm not 100 percent sold on ever having them. And if I do decide to have any, I think that one is more than enough for me. While I don't think that everyone should adopt my view of not or only having one kid, I think most would benefit by taking more time before making the decision for several reasons.
MANY HAVE THEM WHEN THEY ARE TOO YOUNG
You see it all the time. Parents who are only 22-25 years old with babies in their arms, trying to juggle everything that life throws at them. The problem with having a kid at such a young age is that many people are still trying to figure themselves at that time. It goes back to my previous blog on marriage (Most Common Mistakes When Searching For a Spouse). Most people are still very much developing at that age and have a long way to go before they will be 100 percent comfortable with whom they are as a person. When having and raising child, there is a lot of emotional, financial, and physical responsibility that goes with it. This can hinder one's personal growth by not allowing the individual the opportunity to experience different things in life because of the consuming commitment to the child. This often leads to parents becoming stagnant in their personal development as they begin to pour everything into the child. This is something that the child appreciates but often leaves the parents without a sense of purpose once the child has left for college. By waiting, individuals will have more time to mature and truly come into their own before having to make the sacrifices of parenthood.
KIDS ARE EXPENSIVE
It amazes me how many people don't consider this when planning to have a baby. You see it all the time with couples who are barely making it or even living a decently comfortable lifestyle who desire to have their first or another baby because they feel it is the right thing to do. They feel "it is time" or they need to give their first child a sibling to share things with. There are also those who do it because they've just always wanted a girl or a boy, so they have to give it a shot. I have always felt this was completely irrational and irresponsible behavior. Having a first child or another one is a crazy decision if you haven't taken into account the financial responsibility that kid will bring with it. The cost of raising a child from birth to 18 was last measured at $226, 920. Once you adjust the after tax amount for what you would have to make pre-tax to get this amount ($283,650) and then divide that by 18, you are looking at an additional outlay of 15,758 per year or $1,313 per month. This is roughly the equivalent of financing a $92,000 car for a 6 year payoff, but this cost doesn't end after only six years. While most people would balk at the thought of owning multiple cars of this amount, most people think 2-3 kids is simply the norm without realizing they truly can't afford it without putting a tremendous financial strain on themselves.
KIDS ARE TIME CONSUMING
While the monetary outlay described above is one thing to consider when planning for kids, the other large investment that you cannot redeem is your time. You need to make sure that you are prepared to spend the time your child needs to truly receive the nurturing and love to become developmentally stable. If one is in the early stages of a career and putting in long hours at the job to learn and get ahead, it may not be the best time to have a kid. It may be best to wait until you have developed the mental expertise and time management ability that often comes with time that will allow you to still be successful at your job while working fewer hours, so you can dedicate more time to your son or daughter. Also, back to the argument about having too many kids, while you may think you are doing your child a service by giving him/her playmates, one is really only dividing the attention that each of the kids would receive. This could lead to more harm than good, as each kid may get a little attention but not the amount he or she fully needs from a parent. I truly believe this happens more than is realized and could explain the difference of one sibling growing up completely successful and emotionally stable, while the other feels lost and disengaged with life. By being able to give more time to fewer children, one greatly increases the chances this will not happen.
This is not an indictment on kids. I have two wonderful nephews (Omare and Jalen) and three beautiful nieces (Adrieanna, Gabriel, and Malia) and love being "Uncle Kenny." They are awesome and one of the greatest joys I have in my life. However, this is a request for individuals to slow down their rush to be "mommy" and "daddy" so soon and truly consider the lifestyle changes, financial outlay, and time obligations that such a decision will create in their lives. This may mean that you have a kid when you are 35 as opposed to 25 or you only have one kid as opposed to three. I even think adoption should be considered by more people (who says the kid has to look like you when there are so many children who need homes in foster care). By waiting and thinking through the decision more thoroughly, individuals will be much better equipped to make the right decision and truly give their child the kind of life and time commitment they deserve.
Ken Middleton is an Account Executive at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and sales. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.
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