Those who know me are probably well aware that I have always attempted to be as loyal to my friends as possible when it comes to staying in contact and trying to remain friends. We often grow up and change as we have different experiences in life but I always felt that you shouldn't ever forget "where you came from" and part of not "forgetting" was to continue to nurture these relationships as time progressed. What I have identified as an unfortunate byproduct of following this strategy, however, is that it has the unintended negative consequence of stagnating one's personal growth and development. It is not maliciously that friends will hold you back but it just happens naturally if you continue to hang with them for a inordinate amount of time. A great example would be that friend who had the occasional marijuana habit when you were younger which has now turned into a daily habit and is offering nothing in the way of true value to your life other than a good laugh here and there. For that reason, I suggest that as you grow, you should begin to put your friends in different "buckets" to give yourself the best chance of success going forward.
What are friends buckets? Simply they are organizational, descriptive units that you should use to categorize your relationships with different groups of people. Everyone's buckets may be different but I have learned that a good segmentation can be made up of three areas: 1.Casual friends. 2.Professional Friends. 3. Casual and Professional Friends.
Casual Friends
These are generally the individuals you may have known for most of your life. You probably grew up with these people and have so many memories with them that it's easy to get together and kill hours talking about the good old times. You enjoy your time with them and your life is richer from continuing to have a relationship with these people to some extent. The problem with these relationships, however, is often the direction in which they are taking their lives. It is said that most people earn within 20% of their closest friends' annual income. The reason for this is simple: As you spend time with someone who has a certain mentality and approach to life, you cannot help but to be influenced by that person directly or indirectly. A direct influence could be that their negative views and approaches to life can begin to rub off on you and you find yourself questioning the importance of hard work and dedication. While the more dangerous indirect influence could be their subtle influence to encourage you to slack on your work to hang with them or their influence to have you keep up with the Joneses by always buying the latest clothing, car, etc. I wouldn't suggest to cut these relations off all together, but I would suggest to relegate about 10-15% of your overall leisure time with these individuals if possible.
Professional Friends
These originally start as your friends at work or school. As you progress in a job, you often have the opportunity to establish friendships with many different people within the organization. To be successful in any company, you should often seek out friendships with those who have a proven track record within the organization and have the ability to mentor and develop you to help set you up for the highest chance of success. These are people who you may not have a great number of things in common but there is a sense of respect and appreciation between you two that allows you to enjoy each other's company and appreciate how you can help each other be better professionals and individuals. As you begin to progress in your career, you will also begin to meet these type of individuals at various networking events. Increasingly, networking is becoming more important into the overall scope of someone's career. The adage that it isn't what you know but who you know is no truer than it is today in 2013 and without networking, you will put yourself at a great disadvantage to those who have taken advantage of the numerous opportunities out there to do so. Your ability to make many professional contacts here could lead to numerous personal and/or professional opportunities in the future. You should spend about 15-25% of your leisure time with these individuals to help build your social network and influence throughout your industry and geographic region.
Casual and Professional Friends
These are the group of friends who have proven highly successful in their current jobs and you have a natural overall good personal relationship with them. These are individuals who have your best interest in mind from a career standpoint and are highly motivating to you from their professional success and their overall focus in life. These people are the ones who will often encourage you to make the sacrifices needed to be successful but will also help you blow off a little steam to party after a hard week of work. The difference between these friends and your just casual ones is that they encourage the use of limitations and will often help you get back on track if they see you veering to the side of too much entertainment and pleasure. The difference between this person and your just professional friends is that their is a deeper level understanding by this person that will allow them to be more honest with you and help you identify areas of improvement and growth by their closeness to your world and you. These individuals are truly valuable in your life for professional and personal development and you should try to spend as much as 60-75% of your leisure time with them if possible.
As you mature, you should change from the person you were when you were a teenager and, unless your friends are growing and developing with you, you should begin to reevaluate the influence of each on your life. You only get so much time on this earth to be great and EVERY SECOND matters. Make sure you are spending the majority of your time with the people who you will help you achieve your dreams rather than those who will just keep dreaming them with you.
Ken Middleton is an Account Executive at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.
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