As I've matured, I have often witnessed relationships that were "perfect" reduced to people hating each other and hoping that the other person would die. It seems funny but this truly does happen from time to time and I've asked myself what could be the root cause of it. While I'm not sure of all the causes, there is one that I think actually causes this more than anything else - WE HOLD ONTO RELATIONSHIPS FOR TOO LONG. This could be comparable to how an investor may hold onto a stock that is going in the wrong direction (i.e. Apple) for too long because he/she feels that it has to come back to the greatness (high) of where it was, as opposed to cutting the losses and leaving with some profit rather than nothing. In relationships, we are so entranced of how things were when they were "perfect" that, when they begin to go south, instead of considering that maybe it is time to move on and part ways, we instead desire to hold on to some dream that things will return to the way they were and everyone will be happy. This a natural human tendency and sometimes hard to overcome. However, there is a way to overcome this illusion and allow yourself the freedom to move on to the next stage in your life: Accept and embrace the concept of Seasons of Life.
Seasons of Life are times in your life in which you meet or interact with someone for a finite amount of time. This person is there to teach you some life lesson, help you grow and develop, or just have some damn fun. You should enjoy your time with that person, appreciate the laughs and memories that person has created in your life and then feel comfortable allowing that person to move on with his/her life to do the same for someone else, while you do so as well. This doesn't mean that you don't care for the person anymore or ever speak to the person again. As time progresses, however, we often naturally change. Due to these changes, we are sometimes no longer as compatible with this other person as we were before but we desire to continue to try to make the relationship work because we feel we have to. What often happens in these situations, however, is that the two people continue to hold onto the relationship even though they both know it just isn't what it used to be and they begin to resent and hate each other because of it. This could lead to someone betraying the other because of the consistent "unhappiness" and then they eventually end up hating each other and wiping away all of the good thoughts and memories of that other person.
To prevent this, we need only be honest with ourselves in various relationships that seem to be going in the wrong direction. Ask yourself, is this something that can get better and, if so, how? If you don't think it can't, let the other person know and move on. If you think it can, talk to that other person about how you are feeling and ways to make it better. Once you think of some ideas that will improve the situation, try to them out. If that doesn't work, try out some more. After 2-3 attempts, however, you have to start considering that maybe this is just a season of your life and it's time to move on to another one to help you grow and discover other parts of the world and who you are. By doing this, you can hopefully manage to still keep this great friend in your life in some capacity instead of the seething hate that you see many relationships end with these days. Who knows? By ending it this way, you leave a much better chance of revisiting it down the road when perhaps the season has changed back to where you two are compatible again. Life can be "funny" that way.
Ken Middleton is an Account Executive at TEKsystems that specializes in IT staffing and services. He is a graduate of UNC-Pembroke and current MBA student at Scheller College of Business at Georgia Tech.
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